The Stacy's On Crack Collection
by Screaming Yo-yo
Summary: Crack. It's all just crack. It's funny. Some of it's smutty. It's just about every possible Shugo Chara couple you can think of with random objects thrown in for some short little stories because I simply can.
1. Round One!

**The Stacy's On Crack Collection**

**Rating:** Teen. Because although there is no actual smut, I tend to be very suggestive

**Pairing: **OKAY. So there is definitely something here for everyone. xD Some yaoi, some tadamuto, and a sprinkle of yuri.

**Warnings: **Um, THERE ARE GAY COUPLES. If you don't like that, just don't read those. Duuuh. xD

**Disclaimer:** I'd like to thank blue and leafy because they were the ones who came up with the couples and the random objects. xDDD Thank you loves. And blue came up with the title. xDDD I think it works perfectly And I don't own Shugo Chara.

AND PS JOIN GUARDIAN'S WISH 8DD Shugo Chara FTW

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**Credit Card – Takuto**

Ikuto stood at the counter, tapping the shiny plastic against the surface. He was mulling over the purchase he was about to make. It wasn't like the blonde needed it. He was a rich boy. And being a rich boy, Tadase didn't need much. He could probably, at the snap of his fingers, have anything he could ever desire.

But Ikuto just wasn't sure the blonde boy would ever desire this. It always was satisfying to show up at the door with some random surprise; Tadase's flustered expression was worth more than anything Ikuto could buy.

So without any further thought, Ikuto ran his credit card through the machine and flashed his ID at the cashier. With a small grin, he slid it back into his wallet and picked his item up off the counter.

He was going to enjoy Tadase's reaction to receiving a pregnancy test. _You know._ He thought with a smirk. _Just to be safe._

**Lamp – TadasexKukai**

Tadase blinked, dropping the lamp to the ground with a loud thud. Instantly, a huge blush spread across his face.

Kukai just gaped, staring with his mouth hanging open at the blonde.

The two just stared at each stared at each other, completely silent, for a whole long minute. The silence finally broke when Kukai bursting into laughter. The boy fell onto the ground, laughing so hard tears sprung out the corners of his eyes. Tadase's face darkened significantly, the color matching his eyes. He quickly brought the lamp back up to an upright position and straightened the shade.

"K-Kukai..." He stuttered, realizing nothing he said could really justify his actions.

When Kukai's laughter finally faded away to the point he could actually breathe, he panted a bit and shot a huge smirk at his friend.

"So, Tadase, are you in need of practice that badly?"

The blonde stammered, blushed, and glanced away. Kukai chuckled and pulled the blonde towards him. His hand slipped away, leaving just his index finger resting under Tadase's chin.

"If you have to practice kissing with a lamp shade, you've got to be pretty desperate." Kukai smirked. "Real people might be willing to help, you know."

**Moniter – KukaixKairi**

"I cannot BELIEVE you two!" Amu angrily shouted at the two boys, who exchanged nervous looks. In hindsight, it probably hadn't been the smartest idea. But hell, it had been worth it.

They had known Amu was letting them stay in the baby's room. Kairi had just smiled politely, thankful. Kukai had laughed at the décor, flicked the mobile, and put on a show for his black-haired lover with the abundance of stuffed animals lying around the place. And then they proceeded to have some hot, sexy fun. They had tried to keep it quiet! And Amu's family had been on the other side of the house anyway.

How were they supposed to know the baby monitor had been on?

**Cell phone – Rimau**

It wasn't like Rima needed it. She wasn't sure why Utau had insisted she carry it around. Maybe it was comforting for the older blonde to know she could reach Rima at any moment in time. Rim pulled her cell phone out and ran her fingers over the colored metal. It wasn't ugly, she had to admit. It was a simple black phone with red here and there. Not something Rima herself would pick out, but it was just a phone. And only one person called her on it, anyway.

Utau's song would dance through her ears and she'd instantly pull it out and flip it open. Always. No matter where she was or what she was doing. Utau would talk to her as long as she wanted and hang up when it suited her. Rima would clam the singer down, listen, and never once had the younger girl hung up before Utau. Maybe it was just her, but the longer she had the phone, the more attached she became.

And then Utau didn't call. Rima stared down at the phone anxiously. It had been a week. Didn't the older girl care about her at all? Well, Rima was a bit concerned about her. But not too concerned.

Rima ran her fingers over the phone again. Why give her the stupid thing and talk to her so damn much if one day she was going to stop?

She bit her tongue. But what if something bad really HAD happened? Concern finally winning over pride, Rima checked under contacts. She only had one; it had been programmed in when she received the phone. The first time she called, she got no answer. So she called again, someone finally picking up. Yet not saying anything.

"Utau...?"

"It's about time you called."

"W-what?"

"It's been a week!"

"Yeah, b-but-"

"Weren't you concerned at all?"

"I called you now, didn't I?"

"Finally!"

There was a pause. Rima was about to reply, but Utau beat her to it.

"Well, I'm glad you called. I'm glad you care."

"Of course I care! I lo-" Rima paused instantly, blushing at what she had been about to say.

"You...?"

"I... you're my friend. I _care_."

"That's not what you were going to say."

"How do you know?"

"You love me."

Rima's blush darkened. "I didn't s-say that...!"

"It's alright, Rima-chan." Rima could just see one of Utau's rare smiles. "I love you too."

**Cherries – Kushiko**

The first time they met, Nadeshiko reflected, could be defined by word one. Cherry. They had been young, Nadeshiko entering Kindergarten and Kukai in first grade. It was sort of like fate, he supposed, what had happened.

Kukai had been standing there staring at Nadeshiko because he had nothing better to do. He didn't really want to listen to their chatting parents.

Nadeshiko was staring as well, but he was focused on the stick dangling out of Kukai's mouth. The little boy was envious. The red head had a lollipop. Why didn't he?

Kukai noticed this quickly. He slid the candy in one direction, causing the stick to pop out on the left side of his mouth. He twitched his tongue again, so the candy began rolling to the other side. Kukai's eyes lightened with amusement as he watched Nadeshiko's eyes follow the stick. It had been rude, he admitted later, but amusing. The kid was bored, and bragging to the raven haired child had been the most entertaining pastime that crossed his mind. He repeated the rolling motion for a few minutes, finally laughing when he saw the drool drop out of the corner of Nadeshiko's lip.

Nadeshiko had blushed, instantly looking away and desperately trying to mask his embarrassment. As Kukai's laughter continued, much to the poor boy's chagrin, he felt the tears build in his eyes. When Nadeshiko finally looked back, Kukai's eyes had instantly widened and guilt filled his gut. He sighed and walked over, wiping his thumbs under Nadeshiko's eyes to stop the tears. Nadeshiko had glanced up, innocently surprised. Their eyes locked for a moment, and a grin spread across Kukai's face. He pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and shoved it into Nadeshiko's. He laughed at Nadeshiko's wide eyes and gave the younger boy a rub on the head before his dad yanked him away. Kukai waved with a smile as he left. Nadeshiko waved back, blushing at both the cherry flavor in his mouth and the wink the older boy sent him.

**Peanut Butter – IkutoxKairi**

It had been an accident. It was just, wow. Yeah. Indescribable. Kairi immediately pulled back, embarrassed and ashamed. Ikuto was just shocked, staring down at his fingers.

They were making sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, to be precise. And so some peanut butter had stick to Ikuto's fingers. And Kairi, without thinking, had sucked it off. Not licked, sucked. Even with a little moan at the end.

It had been a completely accident. Yet Kairi was still so embarrassed. He blankly resumed spreading jelly on the bread to pass to Ikuto for peanut butter. When Ikuto recovered, he continued spreading peanut butter. Not a word was spoken until Kairi accidentally dropped a glob of jelly onto his hand. He glanced away to grab a napkin, but Ikuto beat him to it. The cat kissed his hand over the jelly and licked it off, finishing with a smirk and running his tongue over lips. The younger boy stared for a moment, then shook his head with a smile.

Ikuto's peanut butter hand snaked over the counter to embrace Kairi's jelly hand. Kairi blushed, sending the cat a look. Ikuto only squeezed the samurai's hand in return.

And perhaps there hadn't really been an accident in the first place.

**Cheese – NadeshikoxKairi**

Change occurs. As life goes on, people die, people are born, people leave, and people come. This particular afternoon in the garden, two guardians were saying farewell at two were introducing themselves. The farewells happened first; Kukai and Nadeshiko, with tears and hugs, left. Then Kairi and Rima were supposed to be introduced.

But of course, nothing really ever happens exactly as it's planned. More often than not, change occurs. As Nadeshiko was leaving, fate had it so that he accidentally ran into the younger boy, sending them boy sprawling backwards. They both moved to help each other, and Kairi had dropped his camera. They recognized each other as guardians instantly, as the shugos gave it away.

Nadeshiko recovered first, pulling Kairi up to a standing position. They smiled at each other, nodded, and then Kairi noticed the Polaroid that had popped out of his camera. He plucked it up off the floor and stared at it with a sigh. Curious, Nadeshiko dropped his chin onto Kairi's shoulder to get a better look. The boy blushed furiously and attempted to hide the picture. It was, by fate, a picture of Nadeshiko's chest.

Fully understanding Kairi didn't know his secret, Nadeshiko immediately eased the boy's embarrassment and the growing tension with a few giggles.

"Would you like a better picture of me?" Nadeshiko had to grin at the poor kid's flustered face.

"S-sure."

"Alright." Nadeshiko wrapped his arm around Kairi's shoulders and brought his face over so the two were cheek to cheek. Still furiously blushing, Kairi brought the camera up to take a picture.

"Don't forget to say 'cheese'!" Nadeshiko sent him a grin.

"R-right."

**Cookies – Tadamu**

Everyone has a bad habit. Some were dangerous, some were disgusting, and others were just plain addictive. Tadase's bad habit wasn't dangerous or disgusting, but he knew it was undeniably addictive.

He grinned up at his single remaining opponent as he shuffled the cards. Everyone else but the pink-haired girl in front of him had given up. He dealt her two cards and then dealt himself two. Blackjack was just plain addicting.

He smirked down at his loot. They never played with actual money, but no one had qualms with using cookies. And Tadase had won eleven out of the dozen. All he had to do was win this round and it was over. He glanced up at Amu, waiting for her choice as she examined her cards.

"Hit me."

He slid a card over to her. Amu picked it up, her face falling instantly.

"You staying?"

"Yeah."

He checked his own cards and nodded, pleased. The object of the game was to get cards that added up to twenty one without going over. Tadase was so pleased. He had a king and a queen, so a nice total of twenty. And with that expression, Amu wouldn't be doing well.

He flipped his cards over with a smirk.

"Twenty."

Amu's depressed expression instantly sprung into a grin.

"Twenty-one."

"WHAT!?" Tadase stared as Amu pulled not only her cookie, but one of his towards her. His eyes narrowed. "We're playing again."

"Alright." Amu pushed her bet of one cookie out. She giggled to herself as she watched Tadase's intense shuffling. She glanced down with a laugh to the identical deck Kukai had slipped her.

Tadase would figure out eventually, she realized as she fiddled with the card she'd switched last round. And she hoped he would 'punish' her for it.

**Korn – Takuto**

He slammed his hand over his mouth as soon as the word left his lips. It didn't take long for the cat to be hovering above him with a perverted leer.

"What did you say?"

"N-nothing!" Tadase squeaked, attempting to scoot as far away from Ikuto as possible.

"That's not what I heard."

"W-what did you hear?"

"PORN!" Ikuto grinned. "Who'd've thought little Tadase-chan was into that?"

"I didn't say that!"

"What?"

"You know what!"

"No, do tell me."

"Now you just want me to say it!"

"Say what!"

The blonde sighed. "I said KORN."

"I didn't know you were into that stuff."

"Yeah, well, now you do..."

"You wanna see my collection?"

"You have a Korn collection?"

Ikuto slung his arm around Tadase's shoulders and gripped him tightly, pulling the boy onto his lap. At the same time, he flipped on the TV.

"Now, do you want to see gay korn or straight korn? Maybe lesbian korn?"

"W-WHAT!?" Tadase's eyes widened at the images on the screen.

"You know you like it!"

"I said KORN!!!"

"And I assumed, since you are so adorably shy, that Korn would be our substitute word."

"Ikuto, that's retarded!"

"Ah, I see. So my lover wants homemade korn?"

"No! I never said-!"

"Fine with me"

"No! Ikuto! Wait a second! Wait! Oh god, not THERE!"

**Spoons – Amuto**

Amu wasn't sure if she was supposed to be impressed or something along those lines, but currently she felt utterly humiliated. They were at a nice restaurant. It was a black tie place, where dresses and suits were required. Not to mention that the food was expensive. She sighed, dropping her head into her hands. Finally, after a few breaths, she looked up. And he was still going.

Why Ikuto chose now and here of all times to beat his record length at balancing a spoon on his nose was unknown to the poor girl. They had been conversing on light topics when her boyfriend, out of nowhere, popped his spoon onto his nose. Amu didn't want to know how he did it. Her only question was WHY. Was it boring being with her or something? She hoped not. She sighed once more and dropped her head. She perked up angrily when she felt something smack the top of her head. She rubbed the sore spot, sending a glare at her playful boyfriend. He tried not to smile, but she could see through his little act.

"Ikuto... can't you behave?"

He simply grinned and popped the spoon onto his nose, adding two on his ears. Amu rolled her eyes, but when she looked back, something caught her attention. Dangling off of the two spoons on Ikuto's ears, Amu noticed two glimmering diamond earrings. She looked up at him, surprised. He grinned, catching all three spoons as they fell off. Ikuto slid the earrings over to her with a wink.

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**Lulz. Everyone loves crack. You know you love crack. I know I love crack. You know I love crack. I know you love crack. So yay! Crack! **


	2. Round Two!

**ROUND TWO!!! xD**

**Rating:** Teen. Again, no smut. But yeah, it's definitely suggestive. 8D

**Pairing:** Crack ones of course! 3 That's the fun of this!

**Warnings:** ONCE AGAIN THERE ARE GAY COUPLES. If you don't like that, just don't read those. Duuuh x 139812371. xD

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Shugo Chara. If i did, there would be more yaoi in it. xD;;; This is for all my friends at Guardian's Wish because they are the ones that gave me the prompts. x3 I hope you enjoy!**

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Highlighter – UtauxTadase**

It had been awhile since Tadase had been assigned a school project. It wasn't like 5th grade was full of content anyway. Yet he grabbed a few of his father's nice highlighters as exited his house. He wasn't really sure what they would be doing, but a handful of highlighters never hurt anyone.

He had been a bit surprised when his teacher gave him his group. He hadn't known Utau was in their class. The teacher said she'd send the girl an e-mail, so maybe, if they were lucky, she'd show up. Tadase honestly didn't care. It's not like he knew much about her anyway except for the fact she was Ikuto's obsessive sister.

He arrived at his other partner's house in a few minutes, surprised to see none other than Utau approaching him with her usual small frown. As Tadase rang the doorbell, no words were spoken. No words needed to be spoken.

The boy let them into his house with a grin. Tadase held up his highlighters.

"Um, do we need these?"

"Dude, heck yeah! Those are the nice kind!" Tadase shrugged, popping the top of one and cringing at the scent.

"They smell horrible."

"Really?" The other boy began to sniff. "Hey, I bet we could get high off these!"

Utau, who still hadn't spoken, simply rolled her eyes as the boy and Tadase continued sniffing.

"Hey, I gotta pee. I'll be back in a minute, make yourselves at home!" And he was gone.

"Give me that, you moron." Utau plucked the highlighter from Tadase's grasp and took the others as well

"Hey...!"

"What? Kiddy king wants to get high?"

"No, it's just..." Tadase was silenced by Utau's glare. He glanced down to his hand that had a pink streak running through his palm from where Utau had snatched the marker. He blinked, watching as Utau began to walk away,

"Where are you going?"

"I'm hiding these from you idiotic youth."

"But you're in our class?"

"That doesn't mean I'm not older than you. Stay over there while I hide these."

"But they're my dad's!"

"I'll give them back at the end."

"Fine."

Silence filled the room, Tadase finally ending it a few moments later.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm spying on you."

"... What?"

"You're so paranoid."

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

The two stopped, realized their childish actions, and blushed.

"I shouldn't talk to you. We're enemies. And practically strangers."

Utau reentered the room, a small smirk on her face. "Tadase... when we were little..." She shook her head. "No, I won't tell you."

"But now I want to know..."

"Of course. That's the idea." Utau froze, then pulled out her vibrating phone. "I need to go."

"Already?"

"You sound sad." Her smirk grew.

"I-I'm not!"

"Fine, fine. The highlighters are in the microwave."

"The microwave?!"

"Yeah." She headed towards the door.

"But what about when we-"

"Were kids?" She rolled her eyes. "Tadase... our parents... We were engaged, kiddy king."

**Condom – Amuto**

There was a park out behind Seiyo Elementary. It didn't belong to the school- they had their own- but the school had given up the land to the city in order for the park to be built. By now, most of the land that was open for kids to run around in had been hacked away by developers. The only part that remained the same through all the years was the playground. It wasn't anything amazing, just a swing set, a teeter-totter, and a jungle gym. Yet whenever Amu or Ikuto passed it, their heads filled with memories of that day.

Oh, it had been years so. So far back that Ikuto hadn't recognized the square-shaped package he found buried in the sand under the swing set. He had immediately categorized, in his young mind, what the condom was. It was buried treasure! And buried treasure had to be protected at all costs! He had giggled innocently, pocketing the goods and gleefully pretending he was a pirate. Then a pink-haired toddler had shown up, alone, sad, with that lost puppy look radiating from her eyes. Ikuto was old enough he felt a certain responsibility for taking care of someone younger than him, so he ambled over.

"Wanna play pirates with me?"

The girl looked up and instantly her eyes dried.

"Yeah!"

"I got buried treasure!"

"You do!? Lemme see!"

Ikuto pulled out the condom, proudly showing his find to the little girl.

"Cool!"

"I know."

"What's in it?"

"In it?"

"Yeah! Let's open the treasure chest!"

Ikuto grinned and ripped open the package, pulling the treasure out.

"What is it?"

"I dunno."

"A balloon?"

"Yeah! It's a balloon!"

The two smiled happily at each other.

"Well, blow it up!"

"Okay!"

So Ikuto blew it up and pinched the end, the two children then staring blankly at the shape.

"What happened to Mr. Balloon?"

"He got smushed!"

The two giggled. Then a garbage man approached the playground.

"Hinamori-chan?"

The girl spun. The man noticed and came over.

"I need to take you back to your mommy and dad-" He froze, the last syllable falling from his mouth numbly. "dy..." He gaze was locked on the 'balloon'.

"Where did you two kids GET that?"

Ikuto was smug. "It's buried treasure!"

Amu nodded in agreement. "Our treasure!"

The man just blushed and shook his head.

**Bubbles – KukaixYaya**

It was the feeling she got around him. She couldn't help herself. Whenever Kukai was near, Yaya just couldn't control herself. She was so easy to excite, so fun-loving and happy. Seeing her crush just caused emotions to bubble deep inside her. These were some pretty powerful bubbles, as she couldn't keep them locked inside. They'd swell up and when she least expected it, pop right out of her.

Kukai never seemed to mind the extra hugs, squeals, or tears he caused. Well, he would care about the tears, but Yaya managed to keep her lonely and longing bubble intact until she arrived home.

She had hoped that one day, maybe Kukai would develop bubbles as well. Bubbles filled with emotion just for her. She smiled despite herself. Yaya always had hope.

**Hair – Yoran**

He hacked, coughed, wheezed, and panted. Yoru was on all four paws and he looked like hell. Ran couldn't decide whether he needed help or would just be pissed out of embarrassment if she tried to help. When she turned to walk away, he had a coughing fit, and her heart just wouldn't allow her to leave him there like that. Half of her wanted to make fun of his hairball, but what kind of person would make fun of someone who was so sick? She was by his side instantly, rubbing his back gently and attempting to get him to relax.

"Yoru... are you okay?"

"Does hack it cough look like I'm wheeze okay?" He rasped out, digging his claws into the surrounding environment.

Ran wasn't sure what to do, so she just rubbed his back until the hacking stopped. The cat then fell to the ground, exhausted.

"Yoru...?" Ran poked him questioningly, eyes widening with alarm when she realized he wasn't breathing. She gasped, quickly glancing up and looking around for help. She saw no one and panicked. Looking down at the cat, she knew she couldn't not help him simply because she was grossed out by the huge probability he was choking on a hairball. Ran sighed, worried, and pressed her hands forcefully against his chest. Then she leaned over his face, pressing her lips to his in an attempt to give him breathing again.

Her eyes widened as Yoru rolled on top of her, proceeding to kiss her senseless for the next fifteen minutes.

When he finally let her talk, she was utterly confused, yet relieved.

"B-but what about the hairball...?"

Yoru grinned. "What hairball?"

**Cats and Dogs – KukaixIkuto**

It was obvious as hell that Ikuto's inner animal was a cat. Aloof, quiet, and clever. He tended to get what he wanted and most of the time no one had any idea what was going through his head. And he thrived on that, darting around and using the element of surprise to his advantage.

Kukai, on the other hand, was not a cat. His inner animal was none other than a dog. He was fun, friendly, and loyal. Not to mention eager to please, an aspect Ikuto had taken advantage of since day one. But it wasn't like Kukai cared. In all honestly, the boy instigated just as much 'trouble' as Ikuto.

They say cats and dogs don't get along. Ikuto and Kukai bed to differ.

**Stopwatch – Kusu KusuxEru **

Eru twitched. She tossed. She turned. She clung to her girlfriend who was sleeping right next to her peacefully. How Kusu Kusu could sleep so soundly at a time like this was completely unknown to the shivering angel. First of all, it was far too dark. Waaay too dark. And then it was cold. Far too cold. And then there was the silence. Except it wasn't completely silent. Eru's breathe hitched as she listening to the monotone sound echoing thunderously through the room.

"Tick. Tick. Tick."

Now, Eru wasn't the smarteriest girl in the world. She knew that and she was okay with that. But she wasn't a scaredy cat!

"Tick. Tick. Tick."

Okay, maybe she was a scaredy cat. But she wasn't stupid! She could recognize the sound of a bomb when she heard it! Desperation running through her blood, she shook her girlfriend awake.

"Kusuuu Kusuuuu!" The clown woke up with a yawn.

"What is it?"

"T-There's a _bomb_!"

"A bomb?"

"Yes and it's going to kill us and I'm scared and I don't wanna die and-"

"Calm down, silly." Kusu Kusu smiled down at Eru who was clinging to her middle, her head pressed against Kusu Kusu's chest. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"C-Can you go f-find it?"

"WE can go find it."

"B-But it's a _bomb!_"

Kusu Kusu rolled her eyes and pulled her girlfriend off the bed. "C'mon, Eru-chan." Leading the timid girl by tugging on her hand, Kusu Kusu examined the room, looking for the ticking noise. She paused, pulling out a stopwatch from a corner.

"This it?"

Eru blinked away her tears of fright and stared at the object. "I-It doesn't look scary..."

Kusu Kusu laughed, setting the watch down and leading Eru back to bed. "That's because it's not scary." She pushed the girl down then dropped on top of her. Kusu Kusu ran a finger down the side of Eru's innocent face.

"Besides, I'll always protect you."

**Roses – RanxKusu Kusu**

She hadn't meant to upset the cheerleader so much. It was supposed to be a joke. Kusu Kusu sighed, fingering the fake rose between her fingers.

She had wanted to surprise her friend. What better way to do so than a water-squirting rose? How could she have known she would have offended Ran so much? She heard the others talking; Ran liked her. As in, _liked_ her liked her. And Kusu Kusu supposed she had screwed that up. She liked Ran. As in, _liked_ her liked her. She knew Ran didn't know. She knew most everyone didn't know. And instead of telling Ran straight out, Kusu Kusu opted to impress her with jokes and gags.

Maybe the water-squirting rose had been too much. Because a rose meant love. So maybe she'd given Ran ideas. But those ideas hadn't really been ideas because Kusu Kusu actually really did love Ran. Well, maybe not love. But Kusu Kusu really liked Ran. Adored her. So Kusu Kusu was going to make it up to the happy cheerleader.

She wrote a note of affection and apology and attached it to a real rose, which she stuffed inside Ran's egg while the shugo wasn't looking. Kusu Kusu smiled despite herself as she watched the shugo fly around cheerfully. That was going to be hers no matter how many roses it took.

**Seifuku – Takuto**

Tadase had laughed his ass off. Why the cat was wearing a seifuku, he didn't know. Nor did he care. But the truth of the matter was, Tadase had walked in on his boyfriend who was wearing a short little skirt outfit. And it was unbelievably hilarious.

The cat, red-faced and irritated, yelled at him to stop. But seeing Ikuto angry just made Tadase laugh harder. He couldn't help it; I mean, this was _Ikuto_, in a _seifuku_. The chance of this happening ever was like... negative. And yet, here it was right in front of his face.

Tadase had worn a seifuku. Ikuto had made him. The cat really was a complete pervert, but Tadase had gone along with it because it meant sex. He blushed whenever he thought about it, but sex with Ikuto was amazing.

And just when Tadase thought he had distracted himself completely, Ikuto was straddled across him, his dark eyes glaring into Tadase's crimson ones. And the blond lost it all over again.

"What am I going to have to do to keep you quiet about this?!"

"W-Why are you wearing that?!"

"..."

"It's m-mine from that time you..." Tadase words dripped off, leaving him to remember, blush, and look away in embarrassment. Regardless of the predicament he was in, Ikuto had to laugh at his boyfriend's shyness.

"It is yours. And we will never speak of this again."

"N-no way!" Tadase laughed again, flashing that dazzling smile that made Ikuto's heart twitch. "Blackmail!"

"Tadase..."

"Blackmail! I want you... I want you to go on a date with me."

"I'd go on a date with you anyway."

"Exactly!"

"..." Ikuto's eyes bore into Tadase's. "What's the catch?"

"The catch?" Tadase blinked as innocently as he could.

"Yes, the catch."

"Well..." Tadase put a finger to his lip and thought for a moment. "I'll tell you when I think of it."

Ikuto just sighed, pulling off the skirt of the outfit.

"You're changing?"

"Yes."

"But... but you looked cute..." The blond murmured, a small soft pink etched across his face. Ikuto smirked, grabbing the boy's arm and dropping him on the bed. He lifted Tadase's legs so they were on his shoulders and looked down with a evil grin at the surprised expression on his boyfriend's face.

"Cute?"

"Y-yeah..."

"I'll show you cute."

**And here's a bonus story I wrote seperate from this. x3 **

"Soccer."

"Cooking."

"Soccer."

"Cooking."

"Soccer!"

"Cooking."

Kukai sighed, looking down at his lover whose head rested against his chest. "But Nadeshiko, it's the quarterfinals! Don't you want to know who wins?"

"No. I want to watch cooking."

"You're already good at cooking! We can record your show and stuff, but this is _live_! This is the game of the century!"

"I thought the finals were the game of the century."

"They are too..."

"Ah. There are a lot of games of the century."

"Yeah there are! We have to watch them all."

"Kukai-kun, neither of these teams are even your favorite. You favorite team didn't even make it into the playoffs..."

"I know that. It's irritating."

"Cooking isn't irritating. It's delicious"

He pressed a button on the remote control that switched the channel to another soccer game. "I want to watch soccer."

"I want to watch cooking."

"Give me one good reason we should watch cooking rather than soccer."

"No cooking, no sex."

There was a pause, and the red-haired boy immediately switched the channel so that the screen displayed a lovely young woman holding a recipe book and a spatula.

Nadeshiko smiled into his chest. "Thank you, Kukai-kun."

"Hn. Soccer is better."

"But not as good as sex, huh?" Nadeshiko giggled.

"No. Not as good as sex."

* * *

**xD CRACK! I love it. I seriously meant it when i said I'd write anything for Shugo Chara. This should convince you. Yay for me being a pervert! Yay!**


	3. Round Three!

**ROUND THREE**

So previous warnings and such about yaoi and stuff apply. Yeah. Oh, still rated T too. The M one is at the very end. xD

I don't own Shugo Chara. AND HUUUGE CREDIT/THANKS/LOVE TO BLUE (KUDARI-CHAN) BECAUSE WELL, YOU WILL SEE. xDDD And thanks to Guardian's Wish friends for prompts. I love them. x3

* * *

**Hair Tie – AmuxNadeshiko **

Amu snickered, rolling across the ground of the living room and peering over the top of the couch she was stealthily hiding behind. There was no way Nadeshiko would win this time. The girl grinned, sliding down behind the couch and letting her back rest against it. Amu happily fingered the ammo in her pocket she'd cleverly commandeered from Nadeshiko's bathroom. Not only that, she had _war paint._ I mean, she had purple eyeshadow 'paint' under her eyes. Oh, it was on. You have no idea. 

She giggled, pulling out a hair tie from her stash and perfectly sliding it over the very top of her index finger and pulling back. Her gun was loaded and she was ready to fire. Just where was that cross dresser when she needed him?

_Fwing!_

Amu's attention was immediately yanked from her thoughts as she saw an enemy hair tie bounce of the wall above the couch and fall into her lap. So he wanted to play, did he? She smirked, dropping down so her cheek rested on the floor. It was just as she suspected; she could she Nadeshiko's feet under a chair a few feet away. And with the right aim...

_Fwing!_

"Ouch!"

Amu grinned again. Mission accomplished. She'd hit him directly in the ankle, exactly where she had been aiming. Why was he even bothering? It was obvious she'd kick his ass. She reloaded and firing again, hitting the same exact spot.

"..."

She didn't get a response that time. Amu checked again, surprised when she noticed he actually wasn't there. But it had hit the same place as before, hadn't it? And he had been hurt, right? At least hit...

Amu turned around to reload once more and completely froze when she saw Nadeshiko sitting directly in front of her. She blinked, shock running through her veins, and then she freaked, jumping into the back of the couch and pushing it away from the wall.

"Amu-chan"

"HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!" Amu's chest was heaving; he always managed to scare the crap out of her.

"Hm."

"THERE ISN'T EVEN SPACE BACK HERE!"

"I agree." Amu froze once more as Nadeshiko ran a finger down her flushed cheek. "Not much space at all. Not that I mind."

"What are you doing?" Amu shivered against the couch as she felt his hands slid down from her face to her thighs, lightly skimming over her exposed skin. Amu let out a yelp as Nadeshiko's hand dove into her pockets.

"N-Nadeshiko...!?"

Amu stared at Nadeshiko's face, which was completely void of emotions. He held up the stolen hair ties in front of her face.

"I was simply taking what is mine."

"What's yours?"

"Yes." Nadeshiko stood up from behind the couch, scooping Amu up as well. "What's mine."

**Man Thong and an Earring – Kushiko**

It had been a bet. Well, more like a trade. Kukai had his ears pierced. He enjoyed his sporty cool look. He liked to know he looked good, but he wasn't overly obsessed. Kukai didn't think there was anything wrong with enjoying the fact he looked good. He also enjoyed changing his studs. Most of the time, he wore small silver ones. On special occasions, he had diamond ones. He also had colored ones. It depended on his mood, he supposed.

But I digress. It was a bet- no, a trade. But perhaps it was a bit of both, you see, for Nadeshiko knew what he was doing and Kukai did not. It was a trade for Nadeshiko but more of a bet for Kukai. A gamble, perhaps, is a better word than 'bet'.

What was this gamble?

Kukai simply enjoyed his earrings. Since he enjoyed them, he wanted to share his joy with the one person he loved the most. He begged Nadeshiko to get his ears pierced. He pleaded. He used the puppy eyes, the puppy pout, the whole nine yards. If there was a way, he tried, which is why Nadeshiko eventually gave in.

The conditions? A trade. Nadeshiko would get a single ear pierced if and only if Kukai agreed to do something in exchange. Kukai had happily agreed, not really thinking about what he would have to do. Kukai was trusting and besides, Nadeshiko wasn't capable of doing anything cruel.

Or so Kukai thought.

So when Nadeshiko replied he'd think up his part of the bargain later, Kukai had no complaints.

Until he woke up one morning to find Nadeshiko smirking down at him, a package in his hand. Kukai had yawned, pulling himself onto his elbows and trying to figure out what the hell his lover was holding.

"Um, Nadeshiko...?"

"You remember that bet?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to wear this instead of boxers today."

"For the whole day? Just different underwear?"

"Yes."

Kukai shrugged, falling back onto their bed and snuggling into his pillow. "That's it? You went easy on me..."

Nadeshiko only smirked, leaving the package on top of Kukai's dresser. The raven-haired boy went out into the kitchen and began preparing some breakfast, only to have Kukai stumble out of the bedroom awkwardly within the hour.

Nadeshiko only smirked. "Comfortable?"

Kukai twitched and sat on a stool in front of Nadeshiko. And readjusted his seating. And then again. And he moved once more. He grimaced.

"Very comfortable." The words dripped venomously from his tongue,

"I'm glad."

Kukai paused, sighing when he realized Nadeshiko was going to make him wear the 'thing' for the whole day.

"But... But _Nadeshiko_..."

"Yes?"

"It's like... it's like..."

"What's your man thong like, dear?"

Kukai frowned, glaring. "An ultimate wedgie that won't go away no matter how I sit or how I tug or readjust. It's so uncomfortable."

"That's the idea."

"Why?!"

"Because I can." Nadeshiko tapped the dumbfounded boy on the nose and returned to what he was cooking, ignoring the loud whine that echoed through the room.

**Dirty Magazines - Miseki**

Tadase had been cleaning. He always kept things nice and neat, so there wasn't actually that much to clean. He frowned as he dug around the drawers of the storage room in the back of the royal garden. At least he thought there wasn't anything dirty. Tadase pulled a cardboard box from a drawer and visibly cringed at its contents. With a frown, he pushed the box away to be dealt with later, preferably disposed.

It wasn't his fault he was called away to the garden before he got the chance to finish.

Kiseki had called another world domination meeting while their partners were at school. The shugos were to meet in the official shugo business room, otherwise known as the storage room in the back of the royal garden. Kiseki rolled his shoulders back and shook his bangs, making sure he was presenting himself grandly. As he arrived at the door, he paused. Only the ridiculous joker's artist guardian had shown up. Out of everyone it was just her.

He frowned immensely, staring coldly into her eyes.

"Where are the other commoners?"

"Sorry, they said they were busy..." Miki timidly replied. Of course, that was a complete lie. The other shugos knew of the girl's crush on the shugo king and created this whole devious plot in order to get them together. Miki knew about the plot and she deduced that abandoning a meeting was part of giving the two 'alone time'. Miki loved having alone time, but not with Kiseki so worked up over the others' absence.

"Busy? Busy!? This is a royal meeting! I am in charge! I am King! How dare they claim to be busy!? How dare they anger their king! There is nothing more important than shugo world domination!!!"

Miki sighed as he, still fuming, flung open the door to the storage room and marched in. She followed, probably a little to eagerly, and was surprised to see the little king shiver slightly.

"Kiseki-kun?" Miki peered at the poor shugo, whose face had paled significantly. Miki followed his gaze down to a cardboard box. It was pretty dusty, she'd admit. She floated down to get a better look and was a bit surprised to why Kiseki was acting so strange. It was just a box full of magazines. Sure, they were pretty dirty- Miki ran her finger over the first's front cover and grimaced at the dust and dirt left on her finger. She was alarmed to feel Kiseki's arms immediately tighten around her waist and yank her as far from the box as possible.

"Um..." She felt her face heat up as his arms shifted around her stomach. "K-Kiseki-kun?"

She felt his arms fall off her waist completely and turned to see the king glancing away, a light pink blush now adorning his still pale face.

"The meeting is.." He glanced up, and upon seeing the box again shivered and looked to the door. "P-Postponed. No one else showed up anyway. So let's get out of here."

"Kiseki-kun?"

"What!? What is it, commoner?" Her blue eyes locked with his and she was surprised to see a little desperation flickering through them.

"What's wrong?"

Kiseki clicked his tongue impatiently and crossed his arms over his chest. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

Miki raised a brow and before Kiseki could argue she had plucked a magazine from the box and flung it in front of his face. Kiseki yelped, jumping back a few feet. Miki dropped the magazine and gave Kiseki a skeptical look. His face flushed again and he attempted to regain his pride.

"You s-startled me, commoner. That was all."

"Oh. Right." Miki raised her other brow, looking at Kiseki with a 'yeah, I _totally_ believe that load of bs' expression.

"F-fine. I do not care for dirt."

"You're scared of it."

"W-WHAT!? Commoner, you are putting words in my mouth! I never said-"

"You're scared of dirt. Maybe germs too?"

Kiseki crinkled his nose. "They disgust me." He faltered for a moment, realizing he had just admitted his fear. "But I do not fear them!" Miki held up the magazine again and Kiseki twitched, glaring at her.

"Fine. I am afraid of the disgusting, dirty creatures that inhabit filth. Is there any sort of problem with that?"

"No." Miki dropped the magazine again and took Kiseki by the hand, surprising both herself as well as the boy as she led them out of the room into the garden and over to the table. The nice, clean, disinfected table.

"Better?" She smiled at the boy and tried to pull away her hand, but to her surprise he kept a tight hold.

"Much better."

**Spatchula and Watermelon Bubble Gum – KukaixYaya**

It had been a long day. The two were walking home from an exhausting athletic event. Kukai had led their team, scoring 3 goals and earning 2 assists. Yaya cheered from the sidelines and happily performed her routine during halftime with the rest of her squad.

They were both pretty tired as well as irritated, as they were the only ones who couldn't catch rides home. Kukai spent the first five minutes of their walk grumbling over the fact he hadn't driven and he should have. Yaya got him to relax and the two finally began to enjoy their walk home. It was late spring, almost summer, so the day was long. The sun was only beginning to set. They'd be home before dark.

But there was still so much time to pass. Yaya sighed, bored. Kukai noticed, and then a smirk spread across his face.

"So, Yaya, let's tell jokes."

Yaya perked up and glanced over to the older boy. "Jokes?"

"Yeah! Jokes! That'll pass the time!"

Yaya grinned. "Yeah! Okay!"

The paused for a moment, looking at each other.

"You first!" They both cried. Then the pair both blinked and burst into laughter.

"Okay, okay. Yaya-chan will go first!" Yaya giggled. "Hm... this one is a bit corny. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. I don't mind."

"What do you call a vampire that lives in your kitchen?"

"Why is a vampire living in my kitchen?"

"Kukai!" She groaned as he laughed.

"What?"

"Count Spatchula!!!"

The two laughed, Kukai shaking his head. "That's pretty corny."

"Yeah. Your turn."

"My turn. Yeah." Kukai bit his lip in thought. "Well, I wouldn't want to corrupt the innocent little sophomore..."

"Oh, c'mon, Kukai!"

Kukai smirked. "Twist my arm. Ready?"

"Ready!"

"So there's this Frenchmen who is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is noisily chewing gum..."

"Watermelon bubble gum!"

"Sure. Watermelon bubble gum. So the American sits beside him. The Frenchman ignores the American, but the American starts a conversation. The American says

"Do you eat all the bread? The Frenchman thinks the American's an idiot, and he angrily replies

"Of course! The American smirks and replies

"We don't. We only eat what is inside and the outside we put together in a container, recycle it, transform it into croissants and sell it to France.

"The Frenchman listens in silence. Then American asks "Do you eat the bread with jam?"

The Frenchman says "Of course!"

"We don't. We eat fresh fruit for our breakfast, put all the seed and the rest in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France.

Then the Frenchman asks "And what do you do with condoms once you used them?

"We throw them away, of course!

And the Frenchman responds with a smirk. "We don't. We put them in a container, recycle them, transform them into Watermelon bubble gum and sell it to America.""

Yaya burst into laughter.

"I liked that one."

"Me too."

"I'm never going to be able to eat watermelon bubble gum again, you know. Thanks a lot."

"You started it."

"You finished it!"

Kukai laughed. "That I did."

**Kairi and Princesses and Bunny Suits and some Mentos and hell, why not some diet coke, too? Not to mention there is some Amu. And Yaoi. And YOGA **

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess in a castle named Stacy. She was the greatest ruler in the entire world because her pen was mightier than her sword, not to mention she took yoga classes. Therefore the people of her country had to do her bidding.

She liked to write crack stories, but one day she stumbled upon a prompt she just couldn't decide upon. She asked two of her loyal helpers to assist her, and actually the queen suggested a school store with Kairi being forced to wear a bunny suit in order to sell Mentos. She thought that was a good idea, but she didn't really feel like writing. The creative juices just weren't flowing. So when the queen offered to write it for her, Stacy wept happily and drowned the poor dear in cookies.

And then she decided she'd at least take a stab at it. You know, for kicks. And the more she thought, the less she actually cared, which wasn't a good thing because she at least wanted to try to make it a good little ramble, but she really wanted to write her RP chapter.

She sighed and continued coloring her doodle. It was of a donkey named Dominique. God she was digressing from her original topic.

Stacy glanced at the prompt. Mentos. Whenever she thought of mentos she thought of diet coke, too. Because if you put mentos in diet coke...

Well, just try it. In your house. Right after you just got your sparkly, fancy carpet shampooed. Or over an expensive ancient rug. Yes.

And bunny suits. She didn't have much experience with them except for playboy bunnies. She didn't like playboy bunnies. But the thought of Kairi dressed up as a playboy bunny and Amu as a pimp made her giggle. Amu was a complete pimp, though. Tadase and Ikuto and Kairi all liked her. And what did she do? Lead them on, of course.

Stacy considered this. Now, if it were her making the decision, she knew who she'd pick. Kiseki of course, because he was a smex god king of the world. Yes.

Kairi and Amu were a cute couple, she supposed. It was always nice to have a short break from the large demand of tadamuto. She liked tadamuto, but DAMN TAKUTO WAS BETTER BECAUSE IT WAS YAOI.

Princess Stacy liked yaoi.

And damn it, she was still digressing. And then the queen sent her the lovely oneshot, so she was a happy trooper and did a lovely dance around her beautiful royal palace.

She read it and squealed. Then she read it once more and squealed again. God the queen was good at this. The princess knew that a collab was coming, so she happily continued her jig as she posted her crack stories.

And without further adieu...

**Bunny Suit and Mentos – KairixAmu :: BY QUEEN BLUE**

Kairi grimaced in disgust as he dug into his Halloween candy. Mints. "Thank you Senpai for these tasty... mentos." The sleeve of his kimono sagged over his hand.

"They're not from me," Yaya shook her head with a pout, the ears of her bunnysuit wagging around as she did. "They're from Amu-chii."

That changed everything. Kairi cocked his head to the said girl and felt himself blush.

Amu suddenly noticed the eyes on her and turned in his direction. A smile came onto her face as she walked his way. "Like your mints, Kairi-kun?"

"Um...," Kairi suddenly unwrapped the top of the Mentos candy and felt himself darken. "I haven't exactly... you know, tried them."

"You should! Get into the Halloween spirit!" Amu insisted. She smiled at him the way she always did around him. "They're very tasty, you know."

Once again, the boy darkened. Suddenly, bunny ears got in his way. He found Yaya right next to the older girl now and his candy gone.

"Amu-chii is right!" Yaya nodded her head and gave the candy to Amu.

"Mou! You shouldn't do that to a kouhai, Yaya!" Amu frowned. She smiled and popped one of the mentos in her mouth. The smile widened immediately. "Try one! They're good!"

Kairi took the candy back and put one of the mentos in his mouth. "They... are good." He then noted that their fingers were touching. He smiled.

Mentos were now his favorite candy.

**AND HERE WE GO. THIS IS THE MOST EPIC BONUS STORY OF THEM ALL. ARE. YOU. READY?!**

**It gets it's own little rating thing because it, my friends, is the business. **

**Teh day Amu fall n luv.**

Rating: Ummm if you don't like sex and/or humor, this probably isn't for you. So MMM. xD

Pairing: There are lots. xDDD Mainly Tadamuto.

Summary: ZOMGSZ 1 day Amu fall N luv & wut gun happ3n?!

Warnings: Some spoilers. Some yaoi. Some butt sex. Yeah...

Disclaimer: Ummmm i don't think anyone will steal this ever. It's that bad. xD Also if you like well gramur, then this might hurt you a bit. 

NO EXPOSITIONG OR SETTING START NOWWW:

"A HOLE!?" The pink girl screamed in surprise, internally preparing herself for the harsh landing in the hole.

Instead of a rocky landing, she collided into something rather soft. Pulling her head up, her eyes locked with those of a boy much older than her. She blushed, as she was straddle over his waist, her pelvis very close to his own.

"U-um... sorry." She stuttered, moving to get off him. He grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down.

"You're hot. Let's have passionate sex right here, right now."

Amu swooned in his arms. "You're so romantic!"

The boy flipped on top of her, grinning as he undid her tie. "What's your name?"

"Amu. You?"

"Ikuto. You want it fast and hard or slow and easy?"

"Both! Start out slow and kick it up!"

Smirking, Ikuto slid off Amu's panties. "Black. That's hot."

Then omgz the truck was about to pour dirt on them. Wut 2 du omgz!

"We should screw somewhere else."

"Yeah. Let's get a hotel room."

"Okay."

The two picked themselves up and headed for a hotel room, Ikuto carrying Amu who was grinding herself against Ikuto's erect shaft.

They entered the hotel lobby. Ikuto approached the counter, waving his credit card. "GET A ROOM FOR ME AND THIS HO, BITCHES!" He shouted.

"Ikutooo we need condoms."

"No we don't. But we need lubricant."

Amu gasped. "M-my _butt_?!"

"We shall perform ultra sex, bitch."

"You're so rommmmantic!"

The two got a key and went to the room. They opened the door, grinning anxiously. But OMG what's this!?

Nadeshiko and Kukai were there! HAVING ULTRA SEX!

Nadeshiko blushed, hiding his face under a pillow. Kukai grinned sheepishly.

Amu blinked. "Nadeshiko's a boy?"

Nadeshiko said "Yes I am."

Amu said "Cool."

Nadeshiko said "Yeah."

Kukai said "Ummm can you guys leave?"

Ikuto said "No way we have the urge to screw."

"There are two beds." Said Nadeshiko.

"... Awesome let's screw!" The two exclaimed happily, removing their clothes as they bounced onto the bed. Kukai and Nadeshiko resumed their ultra sex, Kukai moaning loudly as Nadeshiko thrust deep.

"Let's screw!" Said Amu.

"Yes, let's!" replied Ikuto.

But they had left the door open, and who came but TADASE. OMGZ h3 FOUND h3r wut gun happ3n?!

"AMU!" He shouted lovingly. "AMU I LIED I LOVE YOU BITCH. LET'S SCREW!"

"TADASE!" Amu cried. "I LOVE YOU TOO! YES, LET'S!!!"

"What!?" Ikuto complained. "But I want to sex you!!!"

Amu frowned. "Well, this is a problem. You both want to have sex."

The boys nodded. "We want to sex yoooou." They said.

"Hm.." Said Amu. "Well, let's all have sex!"

"What? How!?" asked Tadase"

"Yes, how!?" concurred Ikuto.

"Well, one of you can do the ultra sex and one can do the normal kind."

"Okay." They said, mounting Amu.

Yaya and Kairi had some sex too.

Rima got no partners cuz she's a whore.

Miki and Kiseki did it too. For a long time.

So did Daichi and Ran and Yoru.

Su had sex with Temari.

And they all made love happily eva after the end.

* * *

**xD I hope you liked them. Crack just makes me happy. There is nothing like random coupling to make you laugh, is there? I love these.**


	4. Cindersex

**Cindersex**

Rating: Teen  
Pairing: Yoran, Miseki, Tadamuto  
Summary: Cinderella gone wrong.  
Warnings: Um. Pervertness. A lot of it.  
Disclaimer: I'm sorry, Disney. You're just so easy to poke at.

Once upon a time, in a castle far, far away, there lived a beautiful, sexy, handsome, dashing, charming, sexy, hot, sexy, sexy hot prince named Yoru. Yoru was incredibly sexy. And hot. And sexy. And he was a cat, which added to his incredible sexiness appeal.

Yoru was lonely. His pimping days were long over, as he was approaching the age when all young sexy hot princes have to get married. He was sad because he would only be able to pick one of his hot sexy mommas to be his wife.

_Where is polygamy when I need it?_ He often wondered, storming through his and his father's castle full of scantily-clad women.

Sighing, he entered the throne room, wondering what his father, King Ikuto of the Horny Realm, had to say to him.

"Son."

"Yeah?"

"It is time for you to find a sexy momma to be your wife."

"Yeah I know. It sucks."

"Yes. More women for me though"

"Shut up dad."

"Whatever. Find a bitch to marry soon."

"There are too many hot ones. We need to do something to choose one."

"Yeah, I agree. Let's have a contest or something."

"A contest? Like a ball?"

"Hell no. Balls suck."

"Yeah. So what'll we do, Daddy-o?"

"Let's have a wet T-shirt contest."

"YEAH! That's hot. And sexy! And hot!"

"Of course I am."

"Me too."

"Yes, you too. Now go get someone to make invitations."

"No problemo!"

Yoru left, a grin happily planted on his face.

_A wet T-shirt contest, huh? Yeah. I like the sound of that._

Meanwhile...

"RAAAAN! WHERE ARE YOU?!" The woman rushed around downstairs, tossing her hair up and pushing up her bra. "RAN GET DOWN HERE, DAMMIT!"

A pink-haired girl floated into the room. "Yes, Amu-sama?"

The woman adjusted her lingerie and turned about. "Get those other two bitches down here. They got work to do, men to hump."

"Yes, madam. I'll get going." Ran rushed up, knocking on the other girls' bedroom doors.

"Miki? Su? Mistress is calling."

Su burst through her door, twirling about in her scantily-clad body. "Okay! I wonder who I'll do tonight? I hope they're rich!"

Miki exited right after Su, dusting off her French maid outfit. "Yeah, yeah. I hope it is Kiseki."

"Oh? He always does you, lucky thing. He'll probably buy you one of these days. 3"

Miki blushed. "M-maybe."

"GIRLS! GET DOWN HERE!!"

The three girls were at the bottom of the stairs in an instant.

"Miki, keep up the good work. Mr. Kiseki requests your presence again this evening." Miki nodded, Ran and Su giggling at her blush.

"Su, Mr. Daichi and Ms/Mr. Temari request your presence. Find a way to get to them both so you get all the cash, got it?" Su nodded.

"Ran, once again no one has requested you! For the 5th night this week! Find someone to screw or you'll be screwed, you got it?! And since you have no work, you'd better have this house clean when we get back!!"

"You're leaving too? Is it for the king?!"

"Not that it's any of your business, but no. Tonight is Tadase. CLEAN THE HOUSE!"

"Alright."

Amu stormed out of the room angrily.

"You need to find a customer, Ran-chan." Su sighed, turning to her friend. "We don't want you kicked out."

"Agreed. Ran..."

"It's easy for you to agree, huh, Miki!? You're in love with Kiseki! It's easy for you to be his sex slave! But me!? I don't like any of those guys! I always get the nasty ones, you know that!"

The other two nodded.

"I'm sorry, Ran." Miki began. "It's just... I don't want to see you get kicked out."

Ran sighed, frustrated she'd lost her temper at her only friends. "It's okay. You two had better get going, especially you, Su. You've got two."

The girls nodded, embracing in a hug. "We'll see you later, Ran-chan!" Su waved as the two exited the house.

Ran pursed her lips, looking around at their little whore house sadly. _I'll get us out. You two are always watching out for me. I'll get us out._

And she began to clean.

"Yeah. Use something sexy as an invite. Like a bra. Or panties. We have a lot of those." The little perverted cat licked his lips as he watched his seamstresses create invites.

"Yeah. That looks good, Eru. Iru! Help her, damn it!"

The girl released a sigh and continued to embroider the information into the undergarments.

"I swear, you guys are so perverted." She mumbled under her breathe.

"I know, babe. Isn't it great?" He sent her a devilish grin. "When you finish, have somebody deliver them to all the hot babes of the realm."

He left the room, but not without first smacking Eru's ass and winking at Iru. "I bet you're just jealous, eh?"

Iru was fuming as Eru tried to hide her blush.

--  
Ran sighed as her friends and mistress returned, Miki blushing tremendously and doing her best to hide her face from Amu.

"Good work, girls. The house looks better, Ran. Not that much better. NOW GET TO BED!" She flicked her pink hair over her shoulder and marched off to her own chambers, slamming the door.

Su and Ran pounced on their blushing friend as soon as they were in their room.

"How'd it go?"

"What did he say!? You're blushing so bad!"

Miki grinned. "He... He asked how much I cost..."

The two girls shrieked, hugging their blue friend.

"For real!?"

"That's so cuuute!"

"How much do we cost?"

Miki shrugged. "I told him I didn't know..."

"And?!"

"What else did you tell him!?"

"That I wanted to be with him."

Su giggled as Ran exploded with joy. "Miki, this is SO GREAT! You can get out of here! He's willing to buy you!"

Su nodded in agreement. "That's so sweet!"

"I... I'm just scared to leave you two."

Ran pushed her friend's chin up, staring into Miki's watering eyes. "What if I don't see you two ever again?"

"Don't be silly, Miki-chan! We're best friends! We're going to get out of here too, just wait and see!"

Su smiled, agreeing. "Take this opportunity! You love him! He loves you!"

"You think?"

"YESS!" The two chorused together.

They climbed into their beds, settling down as Ran flipped the lights out.

"Tomorrow we'll ask her how much we cost together, that way she won't make Kiseki overpay for you."

"Thank you guys. Are you sure you'll be fine?"

"Yes!"

"Go with him!"

The next morning, they asked Amu. She responded with the amount, and then a 'why?' Miki blushed and told her. Amu was overjoyed and let the three girls eat breakfast with her in her gorgeous private lounge. The girls were all talking happily when they heard a loud knock on the door.

Amu opened it, surprised to see a royal messenger in front of her.

"Hi?"

The girl flipped her hair back over her shoulder with a frown. "You are Hinamori Amu?"

Amu nodded. "Yes. What do you need?"

The blonde girl kept her frown. "This is for you." She handed Amu a pink package. "Open it. Everyone in your... 'house' is invited."

Utau raised her brows as Amu examined the thongs inside. "A... a wet t-shirt contest?"

"Yes. We need to determine the future queen of the Horny Realm, so Nii-san is hosting a ball for his son."

"Thank you!"

Utau shrugged and began to walk away. _How does Ikuto talk me into these things? I just want to screw Kairi-kun..._

Amu grinned, delighted at the turn of events.

"Girls! Girls!" The three turned to look at her. "The Prince is giving a... a..." She glance down at the invite. "A wet t-shirt contest! You must attend! If one of you married the prince, then we'd be set!"

Miki immediately frowned. "But Kiseki..."

"You'd take Kiseki over the prince?! The _PRINCE_? Don't be ridiculous, Miki-chan. You're all going to that contest."

"But he's willing to buy-"

"Who cares? The three of you have great racks. You're competing, and that's my final word!"

Ran and Su turned to their friend, desperate to console her.

Su embraced Miki in a hug while Ran confronted Amu.

"He's willing to _buy her_. When is an offer like that going to come up again? She's for sale, we ALL are! If he is willing to buy her, she's sold! You can't break them apart like that and toss her to the prince!"

Amu furrowed her brows. "That is no way to speak to your boss."

"Well you can't, bitch! A few minutes ago, you were dying to sell her! And now you won't?"

"That is none of your business-"

"What's your business prying into Miki's life? She loves him! He LOVES her! They should be together!"

Amu growled and smacked Ran across the cheek. "The contest is tomorrow. Miki's going, Su's going, YOU ARE NOT! You are to stay here and have this house so tidy it sparkles!"

"WHAT?!"

"You heard me! For such disrespect-"

"Who respects you, you old bat? Why Tadase or the King pay you is beyond my understanding! You're disgusting! Sickening! Fat! Your tits aren't even that big!!"

"NOT ONLY ARE YOU TO CLEAN THE HOUSE, BUT YOU ARE TO REPLANT THE GARDEN, RETILE THE BATHROOM, AND REPAINT EVER WALL IN THIS GOD DAMN HOUSE, YOU HEAR ME?"

"FINE! IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED TO GO, ANYWAY!"

But Amu had already stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Su and Miki grabbed both of Ran's arms.

"Why did you say that?"

"Because... Miki should be with Kiseki-kun... You love him..."

"But he'll understand. I hope he does..."

"OF COURSE HE WILL!" Both girls jumped on her words.

"He loves you!"

"He'd wait!"

"For forever!"

"Just for you!"

Miki smiled. "I hope so. Because I'd do so for him."

Both the girls grinned. "So tonight you're doing Kiseki again, and you'll explain everything. I'm free and so is Ran. We'll get a jumpstart on her huge list of chores."

"What? Why?"

"You're going to that contest, Ran! Imagine- all the guys in the kingdom will show up for that! Free entertainment, you know. What a great way to find customers! And then you'd be set for sure!"

Ran sighed. "There's no way we'll finish..."

"But if we start now, we have more of a chance, don't we?"

And so they did. The three girls leapt into actions; clearing out rooms, repainting them and retiling them as well as cleaning all the while.

Once they had finished the entire upper floor, it was time for Miki to work. So she left her friends to beginning the downstairs.

When she arrived home in the morning, she found them asleep in the kitchen. She shook them awake.

"Guys?"

"... five more minutes..."

"Guys! The thong says the contest starts at 9! It's almost 2 in the afternoon! We have to finish!"

Su and Ran groggily continued working with Miki, and the chores were finally completed around 6 in the afternoon. The three exchanged gossip all the while, mainly focusing their topic on Miki's lover.

"And what did he say?"

"He said he had a surprise."

"But he was fine with you going?"

"He was a little taken aback; I guess he considers me as his and his alone-"

"And you mind?"

"Of course I don't mind. He's mine and mine alone."

"Judging from all your sketches of him."

"When he's _naked..._"

Su and Ran exchanged giggles as Miki blushed. "W-whatever. And then he had this smirk spread over his face. And he said he was okay with it. I want to know what he's planning."

"Well, you'll find out later. Now we need to get ready for that contest!"

The girls bounced up to their rooms and dressed in the tightest thongs and white shirts they could find. They then met in Su's room. Su was an expert at hair.

"And you can go, Ran! We finished your chores!"

"I know! I can finally get some customers that aren't old, ugly men."

"Eww. I hate getting old, ugly men."

"Don't we all?"

The girls laughed.

But they stopped as Su's door was flung open and Amu stormed in.

"Ran. You haven't finished your chores. You can't attend."

"What!? But we did them all!"

"No. You forgot the garden. And the contest starts in 40 minutes. We're leaving right now. There's no way." Amu shrugged, an evil grin present on her face. "Oh well."

Miki and Su stared apologetically at their friend as Amu grabbed them by their arms and hauled them out of the room. Ran stared at the ground, dejected.

_Not that I care about some wet t-shirt contest. Only a complete pervert would come up with that idea. But... But there's no way I can find customers now. And Amu's pretty pissed at me. I don't want to get kicked out! Su and Miki need me!_

And where else can I go?

She walked out into the garden and any thoughts of catching up to her friends were shot out the window. The garden was disgusting; completely overgrown with weeds and shrubs. Ran sighed, dropping to her knees and letting her hands catch her face.

"What am I going to do...?"

"Why, whine for help, of course!!"

The tiny tears in Ran's eyes slowly disappeared. "W-what?" She turned around, staring up at the baby hovering in front of her.

"... What the hell?"

"I am your fairy godchild, Pepe-chan!" The baby swooped down so she was right next to Ran.

"Tired of not getting what you want? Tired of things not going your way? Well, enough's enough! It's time to let people know you're sick of it! You want to go to that contest no matter what, right?"

"Yeah! I want to find customers that aren't old and ugly!"

"Well then, let's work some magic!" Pepe pulled out a rattle and waved it around. "Just whine away! All your gripes will come true"

"I don't want my gripes to come true. I want them to be fixed."

"Oh. Of course. Whine away and all your gripes will be fixed"

"Well... I'm sick of that old bat telling me what I can and can't do! She's not even that pretty! Her boobs suck! And I want to go to the ball!! I want to earn the Prince's affection so I can get out of this hell!"

Pepe-chan nodded. "Alright! Well, you're going to need a carriage to get you there. And some helpers. And I can fix your outfit since that prince won't stand a chance against... 'certain' items..."

"You can?"

"Of course. With a wave of my magic rattle, anything is possible!" Pepe-chan looked around. "Um, do you have anything that we can use to make a carriage?"

"Um..." Ran fumbled through her pocket, pulling out a condom. "Uh...?"

"That's great! We can make that into a..." Pepe waved her magic rattle, and a condom-shaped hot air balloon appeared. "carriage...?"

Ran sweatdropped. "Close enough, I guess."

"And you need a t-shirt that will catch anyone's attention!"

"Yeah. That's a good idea."

"With a wave of my magic rattle, I'll make it happen!"

And Ran's t-shirt disappeared.

"W-WHAT!!" Ran threw her arms over her chest with a furious blush.

"The magic of this shirt is that it isn't there! But only guys can't see it! Every girl will think you're wearing one, but you aren't!"

"And that helps me?"

"Of course! Guys are highly turned on by wet boobies! You're a prostitute, you should know that."

"You're right. So it's like cheating?"

"All the guys will want to talk with you! But be careful, the shirt will completely disappear at midnight! And then the girls will know your devious ways!"

"It was your idea."

"Whatever. Now get in that balloon and go!"

"Uh... thanks?"

And Ran was off, floating in her condom-shaped balloon to the royal castle.

Yoru was bored. All these desperate women around him trying to look hot and they weren't. He frowned. Nothing was worse than ugly people wet t-shirt contests. He'd seen two attractive girls walk in with this old pink-haired geezer he knew frequented his father, but he didn't get a chance to speak with them because they were surrounded. And the blue haired one was taken away by some boy with lavender hair. Quite forcefully, he might add. He had swept her up, tossed a purse toward the old pink-haired bat, and hauled her off after shoving a huge, shiny rock on her finger.

He yawned and glanced at the clock. 10:45. He didn't think he could take much more of this. And that's when she arrived.

He stared up to the entrance and saw a girl with bright pink hair. Nude. Not completely nude, as she was wearing underwear, but nude enough to capture his immediate attention.

He noticed all the other guys turn to stare as well. She had the complete attention of everyone in the room, males looking for fun and females glaring jealously.

Yoru was about to make a move when he felt a hand slam down on his shoulder. He turned and stared up into the eyes of his father.

"Son."

"Yeah?"

"That one has a great rack."

"I know. I was about to go talk to her."

"I don't blame you."

"What do you want?"

"Oh. I was going to warn you that if you didn't screw her, I would."

"...oh."

"Yeah."

"She's mine."

And with that, he tiptoed up to the girl who was engaged in conversation with some young men. From behind, he wrapped his paws around her waist and pressed his nose against her neck.

"Hmm... that's great to know."

"What is?" The pink haired girl tilted her head back, her eyes meeting his.

"Not only do you have great tits, you have a great ass too."

"Thanks."

"Are they real?" He slid his paw upward so it was cupped her left breast.

"Yep."

"Hot damn. That makes them better."

The girl laughed, spinning around so her chest was pressed against his.

"But you know, babe, this contest is a wet _t-shirt_ contest. Not wet boobies."

"They can't tell."

"Hmm?" He purred, slowly licking her jaw line.

"Only guys can't see the shirt. Girls can. They don't have to know." She grinned, popping a single finger against her lips. "It can be our little secret."

"But they aren't little." He pressed her against him.

She laughed once more. "Is it?"

"What?"

"You know." She motioned down towards his crotch.

"Ah." He shot her a catlike grin. "You really want to know?"

"Maybe."

"I'll show you."

She laughed again, swatting his shoulder. "You're a pervert."

"You're the topless one, babe."

"You're topless too." She ran a hand down his bare chest.

"I don't have titties. That's quite a difference."

The pink girl just shook her head and pushed away from the boy. He stared at her, brows raised.

"Catch me if you can." And the girl disappeared into the crowd of females.

And all the females of the castle looked on jealously as Yoru and Ran remained together for the rest of the night. They talked, they flirted, they laughed.

And eventually they ended up on the terrace that overlooked the garden. They flirted a bit more, as Ran pretended to be freezing and Yoru took her into his arms. As they were about to kiss, a loud chime echoed above their heads. Turning to the large clock, Ran was alarmed to see that it was _past_ 12. She ripped away from Yoru's embrace, shocking the cat.

"... Pinky? Are you okay?"

"No! I need to go! Can I have your shirt?"

"I'm not wearing a shirt."

"Don't you have any shirts?"

The boy grumbled. "Why do you need a shirt? You look fine without one..."

"Please?"

"Look, just-" He was interrupted when a messenger stepped out of the broad doors.

"Yoru-sama?" The cat grimanced, fully aware that his time with Ran was coming to a close.

"Listen, babe, when can I see you again?"

"I don't know! I must go!" She attempted to pull away from his arms again, but he refused to loosen his grip. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone.

"Listen, just-"

"YORU-SAMA!"

The cat growled and Ran used this distraction to pull away from his arms and take off running.

"WAIT...!" The boy paused, cussing as soon as he realized he didn't know her name. He sprinted to catch her, his camera phone still grasped in his hand. He managed to grab her arm and as the girl twisted to get away, he snapped a photo. Hoping he captured her face so he could recognize her as the winner of the contest, he let her go and returned to the castle.

"Yoru-sama! There you are." Masashi took in a deep breath. "Your father is calling for you. It's time to pick the winner of the contest."

Yoru sighed, trudging in to reveal the winner.

Ikuto smiled as soon as he saw his son. "Yoru! Have you picked your lovely lady!"

"Yeah!" He turned to address the crowd, handing his phone to a page boy who took it immediately to a computer. "Loyal subjects, I present to you, our next queen!"

And the page boy put up the picture. Everyone gasped. Yoru glanced over his shoulder and cringed.

"Um... Everyone, I present to you the breasts of our next queen."

Ran made it home, panting. She climbed in through the window she had left unlocked and raced up to her room, throwing on a bra and shirt, as well as different underwear and a pair of shorts. She blushed at the thought of her night.

_He was so cute. And so funny._

Smilingly, she let herself collapse onto her bed with a yawn.

_What a great night with... with..._ Her eyes opened. _Oh my god... I don't know his name!!_

"High and low! North and south! East and west! Above and below! Everywhere! Search everywhere!" The king was handing out pictures of the mystery girl's rack to his search party. "Find my son's wife!"

Yoru sighed.

"I can't believe you didn't get her name. What a dumbass. And now, in order to find her, you're passing pictures of her chest around. What great qualities for a husband you have..." Iru smirked.

"Shut up! I didn't even ask you!"

"She's probably a whore."

"WHAT?!"

"You owe me 20 bucks if she's a whore."

"SHE'S NOT A WHORE!"

"So you'll give me 20 bucks if she is?"

"NO!!" Yoru glared at the 'demon bitch' in front of him. He pushed himself out of his char and approached his father. "I'd like to help search."

Ikuto nodded. "You want to screw your bitch on sight then, eh?"

"Most likely, yeah. I'd recognize that chest from anywhere."

"I don't blame ya. You go with Masashi and Kusu Kusu."

"Alright."

Ran woke up late and stumbled out a bed, stretching with a smile on her face. She bounced into Su's room and shook her friend awake.

"Hey, Su! Wake up!"

"Huh...? Whasamatta?"

"Nothing! I want to talk!"

Su yawned, pushing herself up. "What's up?"

"Wait, we need to get Miki first."

Su grabbed Ran's arm before the pink girl could bounce off, and sent her a look. Ran grinned.

"You mean?!"

"Yep! He bought her!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YESS!"

The two exchanged an excited squeal. "They're so cute!"

"I know! He was at the contest. He just scooped her up, tossed the money at Amu, and slid this gorgeous diamond ring on her finger. She was speechless. It was so precious!"

Ran squealed. "I'm so happy for her! What else happened? Any luck with the prince?"

"No. He was with this pink-haired girl all night."

Ran blinked. "A... pink-haired girl?"

Su nodded. "Yeah. She looked like you... a bit..." Su's eyes widened. "Did you... no WAY Ran!"

Ran blushed. "I did go, but I have no idea if it was the prince I was with! I was just with this cute guy. He was so funny I couldn't help but go off and spend time with him."

"Eep! What if it is the prince?"

"The prince..." Ran stared down at her hands. "Wow. I don't know what I'd do."

"You'd love it!" Su grinned. "You'd be rich and famous and Ran, you're totally made to be rich and famous! It'd be perfect!"

"But what about you?"

"Every princess needs a personal chef!"

The two smiled at each other and collapsed into a huge hug.

"I love you Ran."

"I love you too, Su."

The two girls continued talking until they heard the doorbell ring. Rushing down to get it, the two screeched to a halt when they saw Amu open the door.

"Hello?"

"Um, yes." A samurai pushed his spectacles closer to his face. "Do... do you, uh... do y-you recognize..."

"Give me that!" A girl in a clown costume ripped the picture away from the boy. "Do you recognize these tits?"

Amu blushed at her bluntness. "I..." Her eyes hardened. "No."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that. Are there any other females in your house?"

"No."

Ran and Su gasped, looking at each other surprised.

"So this is a whore house with no whores?"

"They're all unavailable."

"Oh. I see." The samurai shrugged and Su blushed, Ran nudging her in the shoulder. The two stepped out.

"Amu-sama?"

"We're not males."

Everyone's attention turned to the frustrated Amu. "I didn't know you were awak-**Here**. And besides, you all were busy last night. There's no way either of you went to the contest."

Su began to protest. "I went! You wanted us too, so we could try to earn money-"

Amu cut her off with a small slap. "Hush, idiot."

She turned back to the two messengers, the samurai staring sympathetically at the teary-eyed blonde. "She's often delusional. There's no need for you to be here longer."

Ran glared angrily. "I WENT TOO!"

Amu rolled her eyes. "There's no way you went."

"I did too!"

"Oh? And how will they believe you? You want to see if you can recognize the picture?"

"No." Ran thought back to the boy that had grabbed her arm and taken a picture. The wheels in her head were turning quickly. "I don't need to. Do you recognize these?" She lifted her shirt, showing her breasts to the two messengers.

Yoru, who had been watching from around the corner, immediately pushed between the two messengers and came face to face with the girl.

"You..."

The cat pulled her close to him, slamming his lips upon hers.

The pink-haired girl pushed away. "You didn't say you were the prince..."

"You didn't say you were a whore."

The girl looked away sadly. "I... you didn't ask."

"It's okay. It doesn't bother me. I'm a playboy, you're a whore. I'd say we go together pretty nicely." The boy sent her a playful grin.

"What's your name?"

"Yoru. What's yours?"

"Ran."

The two stared at each other for a moment, then kissed again. Su and Kusu Kusu looked on with smiles, Amu stormed back into the kitchen, and Masashi kept his attention on the small blonde.

Yoru and Ran eventually stopped kissing, blushing at the fact everyone had been staring at them because they had gotten so lost in the moment. Yoru took her hand and led her out to his carriage.

He dropped Ran into a seat and plopped now next to her, tossing his arm around her shoulder.

"Let's get married."

Ran just smiled. "When?"

"Tomorrow? Tonight? Right now?"

"Tomorrow. I want Miki to be able to come."

Yoru raised a brow. "Your friend?" He motioned to Su.

"No, that's Su. Miki's married to Kiseki now, and I need to send them a message."

"I'll have Kusu Kusu do it. Let's get hitched tonight, bitch."

"Awesome. Then we can have hot steamy sex."

"Heck yes we can."

"For the rest of our lives."

"Heck yes."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They became the godparents of an adorable lavender-haired, blue eyed boy and a black-haired, green eyed girl. They had lots of hot steamy sex for the rest of their lives. Heck yes they did.

And so the hot, sexy hot cat prince and his big boobed whore wife lived happily ever after.

The End. x3

* * *

**Lulz. Hey guys! 8D Reviews? Please? Pretty please because you know one minute of your time can make my day?**


	5. Round Four!

**Cottage Cheese : Kushiko**

Kukai stared at the blank sheet of notebook paper in front of him, then glanced at the assignment sheet to his right. Then he did it again. And again. Finally, with an exasperated sigh, he pushed his chair away from the table and wandered over to the refrigerator. Food was usually inspiring. He opened the door with a powerful tug and blinked. There, before his eyes, was a small tub of cottage cheese. With a shrug, he pulled it from the refrigerator and sauntered back to his table. He dropped the tub and resumed his staring, now from the tub to the paper to the assignment sheet. He fiddled with the pencil in his hand. So what exactly rhymed with cottage? Since he was making a poem it had to rhyme- that's what the sheet said, anyway. Cottabe... Bottage? Gottage? Aottage? He frowned.

"Kukai-kun?"

Kukai's spirits lifted. "Nadeshiko-chan!"

"Working on that poem still, I see."

"Yeah..." They both paused, looking at the cottage cheese.

"And what's that?"

"My inspiration."

"Have you been inspired?"

"Not yet. Nothing rhymes with 'cottage'."

Nadeshiko thought for a moment.

"Frottage."

Kukai choked. "_WHAT_?"

"Frottage rhymes, does it not?"

"Yeah, but babe, I mean- I can't use that."

"And what's wrong with the act of two male lovers rubbing their-"

"That's enough."

"We do it often enough, so-"

"ENOUGH!" Kukai, red-faced from embarrassment, stared at the boy in front of him. "I will not use frottage."

"And what else rhymes?"

Kukai considered this for a moment. "Fine. Frottage is it, then. So what rhymes with cheese? Meese... keys!"

"Please."

"Yeah, please does too. Actually, I like that!"

"Hm?"

"That word. Please. I like it."

"Ah. I see."

"Yep!" Kukai smiled happily up at Nadeshiko.

"Is this poem for me, then?"

"Hm, no. Why?" Kukai froze for a minute, then a huge blush streaked across his face. He only stared at Nadeshiko who returned his gaze with a smirk.

"You're a damn pervert."

o0o0o0o0o

First of all, I apologize to the great man who made this video and I thank him for not suing me. I am pretty broke. xD;

**SHOES**

Nikaidou-san smiled; it was a disgruntled expression that looked so wrong on the man. He looked at his two lovely children.

"Happy Birthday Twins."

Utau happily ripped her present open, delightfully exclaiming, "A computer! And a car! And a recording studio! And a fat suit! Thanks mom and dad!"

Nikaidou looked over to his other child. "Ikuto, go ahead an open your present."

Ikuto turned to his left and pulled of the paper from his parents' half-assed wrapping job. Like he couldn't tell what it was already. He shoved away the hideous turquoise wrapping paper and was disgusted at the giant pink bunny.

"What the hell?"

Sanjou glared at him. "What did you expect? Con-damns?"

Utau cocked her head and snickered at her brother. "Nice present, Ikuto."

"Shut up, deck."

"Skank."

"I'm going to betch slap you, shetbag!"

Sanjou pouted. "Stop fighting, you two are twins. For goodness sake. Don't they have the same thoughts? "

Ikuto's rosy-colored lips grew into a smile. _Shoes._

Utau grinned to herself. _Rima_

Nikaidou's lips twitched upward; as much of a 'smile' as he could ever hope for. _Fiscal responsibility._

Sanjou's eyebrows rose as he licked her lips. _Ikuto_

Ikuto sighed, pushing himself from the chair.

"Ikuto, where are you going?" Nikaidou questioned.

"Out." He flicked his black hair over his shoulder.

Sanjou glared. "For?"

"Ikuto, what are you going to do with your life."

Ikuto glared right back at his parents.

"I'm going to get what I want!"

o0o

Ikuto was walking, his sexy black fishnets showing off his perfect calves and his hot pink skirt hugging his tight ass. He was wearing sexy black Mary Jane's.

He approached a store window, shocking the small boy with round glasses who was working there. He glanced left at some shoes. He glanced right at some shoes.

"Shoes."

Ikuto studied more shoes.

"Shoes."

And more shoes.

"Shoes. OH MY GOD, Shoes"

He grabbed his pink chocolate from his pocket and flipped it open, not hesitating to call up some of his best pals.

"Let's get some shoes!" He exclaimed to his friend, Tadase.

"Let's get some shoes!" He said to his friend Kukai.

"Let's get some shoes!" They all chimed together.

" Let's _get_ some _shoes._" The three boys approached the first store.

"Shoes." Ikuto dropped to the floor, under Tadase's white skirt and by his pink leg warmers and flowery pink heels.

"Shoes." He dropped down again, this time next to Kukai's black and blue shoes. Kukai was wearing a skort because it made him feel more secure so that people wouldn't try to look at his panties, no matter how cute they were.

"Oh my god shoes."

"Shoes."

"These shoes rule." He pulled some off the shelf, handing the white fuzzy boots to Tadase.

"These shoes suck!" Ikuto shoved them off the shelf.

"These shoes rule!" He handed the gold heels to Kukai.

"These shoes suck!" Ikuto threw them away, but not without making the best disgusted face he could manage.

"Shoes." He happily smiled down at his lovely Mary Janes.

"Shoes." He saw some Adidas Superstars. He had to have them. In pink, of course!

"Shoes."

They entered another store and they joy spread across each boys' face.

"Oh my god, shoes."

"These shoes rule." He exclaimed at some pink flats.

"These shoes suck. These shoes suck! THESE SHOES SUCK!" All three boys were momentarily downtrodden because of the sucky shoes. They were so sucky Tadase had to excuse himself to go vomit. He knew he shouldn't have eaten more than 300 calories today, gooosh.

Kairi approached them, a quizzical look on his face. "I think you have too many shoes."

"Shut up!"

"I think you have too many shoes."

"Shut up!"

"I think you have too many shoes."

"Shut up!!"

"I think you have too many shoes..."

"SHUT UP!" Ikuto was fed up with this backtalk and punched Kairi in the face, the boy toppling to the floor. The three surrounded him, glaring down. Ikuto waved his sexy Mary Jane down at Kukai, but he didn't want to get germs on it so he didn't actually touch Kairi.

"Stupid boy. Stupid Boy. And did we ask your for opinion anyway?"

After sexually harassing Kairi, the three smiled at each other. "Let's get some shoes."

"Let's _party_."

They were immediately at Kukai's house, out back by his swimming pool. Tadase and Ikuto were happily grinding with each other, along with Kukai who was wearing a sexy black and white stripped dress and Kukai's mother, who had a sexy blue boa around her shoulders. And there was a robot. And Nadeshiko was there, thrusting his hips around in a circle as he danced in his purple sperm suit.

Then the three appeared back in the store, all surrounding a sexy pair of shoes.

"These shoes are 300 dollars." He smiled at Tadase.

"These shoes are 300 dollars" Ikuto smiled at Kukai.

"These shoes are 300 fucking dollars." He paused for a moment, considering.

"LET'S GET 'EM!"

Then there was some dancing. Nadeshiko did the robot. Tadase did this weird sock-bop thing from the 1950s. Kukai chose to jam out on guitar instead.

Amu approached the three boys, the sexy heel in her hand. She frowned.

"Um... this style runs small. I don't think you're going to fit. I mean, your feet are... kind of big."

Ikuto was shocked. But... but those daisy ones had _almost_ fit!

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, by the way, bitch..." Ikuto's face turned a deep shade of red.

" FUCK YOU." Tadase danced in some fire.

"FUCK YOU." More fire dancing.

"FUCK YOU." And some more fire dancing, but now Tadase was just wearing this stripper outfit too.

"FUCK YOU!!" Ikuto stormed over to that bitch and began showing her who was boss. Kukai helped, and took momentary breaks to go slam on his guitar a bit.

Tadase stuck out his bum and hula-hooped with fire spinning around his ass. He kept right on dancing.

Then a policeman knocked Ikuto over but the fluffy pink bunny came and began attacking the policeman, well actually they were humping and the policeman was the uke lulz go bunny go!

Ikuto was a little scarred by that, but not as much as by watching Nikaidou and Sanjou do the robot. And then Nadeshiko was dancing with Yaya.

Tadase kept right on hula-hooping.

And then an ape just came out of nowhere.

"Those shoes are mine, bitch."  
And then Kukai _and_ Tadase were grinding together in between the fire hula-hoop and Ikuto really liked that.

"Give me those fucking shoes, bitch."

They kept on dancing, Kukai only pausing to bend down and smack Ikuto in the forehead for staring at his ass but actually they were wearing thongs so there really wasn't anything left for Ikuto's imagination in the first place.

"Those shoes are mine, bitch."

"Bitch. Bitch. Bitccch." All three of them moaned together.

o0o0o0o

**  
THIS IS RATED R. R FOR REALLY, REALLY SMUTTY. YOU ARE WARNED.**

It was a cold night. Storms were everywhere, bashing against the windows of the classroom as if Armageddon was crashing against their doorstep. Now, Kukai and Nadeshiko had been forced to stay after school for detention, caused by what the administration dubbed 'promiscious activity during school hours'. Now, Kukai and Nadeshiko begged to defer. It had simply been jacking off together in the back of the classroom during some boring education movie. Nadeshiko hadn't screamed _that_ loudly.

But now they could be truly unadulterated because there was only a responsible person watching them. Yes, they had gotten detention. But it was a stray Friday afternoon; none of the teachers wanted to stay afterschool and babysit the two affectionate lovers. So there they were, Nadeshiko straddling Kukai and licking his neck as he 

rubbing his hands against Nadeshiko's bare ass. And who was their 'advisor' but the utterly responsible Kairi?

Oh, they knew he was watching. He couldn't not be. They were practically fucking, only they couldn't find any lube so Kukai couldn't go up Nadeshiko's ass. But they were basically fucking each other as much as they could without using lube. They were both naked by now. They'd put on a strip tease performance for Kairi, tossing their clothes and grinding against each other in hopes of riling the responsible kid up.

And oh, if only they knew how much they were succeeding. One of Kairi's hands had fallen from his computer down to his pants, unzipping them and slipping his cock out. He couldn't help but begin to masturbate at the sight. His elders only noticed when he tosses his head back and cried out, cumming against the desk in front of him.

Before he could regain his breath, Kukai and Nadeshiko were looking over his shoulders.

Kukai had just smirked. "You had a lot saved up."

"S-Shut up!"

"No, it's a good thing, Kairi-chan." Nadeshiko just smiled at him, making Kairi blush.

"W-Why, sempai?"

"Because now we have lube!" Kukai laughed, swiping Kairi's cum off the desk and leering at the boy.

"W-what?"

Before Kairi knew what was happening to him, he had been tossed on the desk in front of him. Nadeshiko and Kukia had quickly disposed of his clothes and were now rubbing his cum all over his ass, allowing their fingers to slide into his deep recesses.

Even though it hurt, it didn't It was a good hurt. Kairi felt his dick harden again as he moaned.

"Nnngh!"

Kukai slid his dick up Kairi's and began thrusting, not even trying to be slow as to ease the pain. He slammed and slammed and slammed, Kairi's cries getting louder as his prostate was continuously pummeled.

"O-OH!"

He glanced up at Nadeshiko who was standing in front of him, leering down.

"We can't have you being too loud now, can we?" Before Kairi could argue, Nadeshiko's dick was in his mouth. He gasped and bucked, only to feel himself harden with the double sensation. Oh, it was so good. They fucked and fucked and fucked until finally Kairi screamed against Nadeshiko's cock, cumming against the table as Kukai released inside his ass and Nadeshiko released down his mouth.

His elders pulled out a smirked at him.

"We should do this again sometime."

And they were gone, leaving a sticky, naked Kairi alone in the room. And he masturbated once more.

* * *

**8D yay crack!!**

**((dances around))**


	6. Round Five!

**TadasexRima—fairytale princess**

"Aw, don't be like that!" The blonde girl then sneezed, pulling the covers of her bed tightly around her shoulders.

"… This is embarrassing. Even for me…"

Rima pouted at her friend's expression. "Tadase, you look fine. Seriously."

"… This is never going to work. I don't sound like you. I don't look like you—"

"Don't be so whiny. You look fine. All those extensions really did the job."

"Haven't you always wanted long hair?"

"Not particularly…"

"Well, you're the one who says that new experiences are a good thing." Rima fidgeted in her bed. "Thanks for doing this. I mean that."

"You're welcome. It's just… Do I have to?"

Rima giggled. "Well, I'm not better. I don't feel good at all. And you know what they say, don't you?"

Tadase turned to face her; his hair by his waist, makeup covering his face, his nails and entire body absolutely covered in pink. Not just any pink, either—this was the fluffy kind of pink dress that needed slips and a hoop skirt and had that "butt thing" (as Tadase coined it) that stuck out in the back. It even had a pink bow around the middle, tied above the "butt thing."

"… What do they say?"

"The show must go on! And since you're the only one with blond hair, alternate boy…"

"Yeah, yeah. I got it." Tadase uncharacteristically muttered, his shoulders hunched and face a deep red.

"You look beautiful, though. No matter what they say."

"…" Tadase turned back to the sniffling, coughing girl with a small smile. "So do you."

**Rimahiko - A digital clock with a yellow border**

"Well, there ain't no way I'm not ending up with that man!"

"Oh yeah!?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh yeah!?"

"I SAID YEAH!"

The two girls glared at each other on the screen, making Rima edge closer to the end of the couch as she watched with eager eyes. Nagihiko never would have though that the beautiful queen of the school was interested in something so… ridiculous. He'd never heard of the American show. He didn't understand the plot (well, he didn't think there was much plot to be understood) and it just seemed so pointless. And yet Rima's gaze was transfixed on the screen. Her mouth was wide in awe.

Nagihiko vaguely understood English. There were a few words here and there he didn't know, but for the most part from what he could gather this show really had no purpose.

It had started with some guy—the one all the girls wanted and 'loved'—coming down the stairs with a digital watch hanging from his chest. And if that wasn't odd enough, it had a yellow border. It was just odd because yellow was such a weird color. And then there was the fact that his name was "Flava Flav." Nagihiko had never heard of such a thing before. "Flava Flav"… it hopefully was just a nickname because Nagihiko felt undeniably sorry for the guy, except for the fact he had several women throwing themselves at him all the time.

Not that he wanted Rima to hang all over him, but a hug every now and then wouldn't hurt. And he deserved it after sitting through whatever this foreign nonsense was. And maybe this show could influence her not so anti-touch-Nagihiko?

"BITCH!"

"YOU'RE THE BITCH, BITCH!"

Rima giggled. "They're both bitches!"

Nagihiko sweatdropped. Or maybe it would influence her in other ways.

**Miseki- Dresses and hentai or Kisses and masculinity**

There are certain actions that a royal simply should not have to perform.

Since I happen to be royalty, I can easily refute all those who challenge my opinions. It is blatantly obvious they are all wrong anyway. If you go against what I think, you're wrong. I am always right. I have never been wrong. And what? You say I have? What you say is wrong. Pathetic commoners such as you have no brain to think with anyway. You are just a miserable cretin put on this earth to do my bidding and serve me, obviously. What else would you be good for?

I refuse this task. What nonsense is this? This… this pathetic little miserable wench comes up to me and asks me for what? For a kiss? This peasant is out of her mind. First of all, I would never kiss such disgusting, unsanitary lips as hers. Who knows where her disgusting mouth has been. Peasant germs are to stay with peasants. Second, why in the world does she think someone as magnificent as me would ever stoop to such a low and present her with an object of affection like a kiss? That thought is preposterous, although I'm sure the commoner dreams of such a thing. I cannot blame her; it would be hard to find a person who doesn't dream of me. But does she really think this is some kind of fairy tale where I am her prince or knight in shining armor? I am no such thing. I am King. Kings do not rescue ugly little whores from their low-life positions. Kings order the execution of such pathetic human beings that believe in such a ridiculous notion of _love_. Love? Affection? What is that?

I understand what this "love" is. I know everything because I am King. And love is everything that is stupid and impossible combined under one short word that means absolutely nothing to anyone but pathetic fools who will never have anything besides stupid and impossible nonsense to fill their lives. Love. It sickens me that people believe in something so completely ridiculous. "Love" doesn't even exist. It is not tangible, so how do you know when you've gained it or when you have enough? You do not. The only things worth anything are the ones you must work to get and the ones you can see the results of. Nothing is as perfect as complete and total world domination. Kukuku…

But this girl—not a girl. A wench. This wench continues to test my patience with her "sweet" expressions and "kind" gestures, all of which are complete bullshit. She thinks she loves me. She tells me she does. I tell her there is no such thing and she should go die in a sewer, for she would be more useful to me there.

She has claimed I am not man enough for her. Not man enough? I am King. There is no one more manly than I. She simply does not understand that this "love" shit she speaks of is just that—it is shit. It is nothing. There is no such thing, yet she constantly pushes and pushes this abstract concept on me and I am about to explode and have her assassinated. There is no such thing, I declare. Yes there is, she responds. I feel it for you.

This wench is a whore. A stupid, fat, ugly, smelly, whore. I absolutely detest her.

**Amuto- A Pink Fluffy Cat Doll**

"No it is not!"

"Yes. It is."

"NO IT IS NOT!"

"Yes. It is."

"IKUTO! THAT IS _NOT_ OUR BABY!"

"Yes, it is."

Amu, immensely frustrated, buried her face into her elbows. "That is not even a baby."

"Yes. It's our baby."

"No! It's a stuffed _doll_, Ikuto! Are you deranged?"

"Baby."

"It's not a baby!" Amu grabbed the pink cat doll from Ikuto and shook it back and forth. She dropped it on the ground. She jumped on it. "It's not alive!"

"Well, not anymore. You've killed our baby."

"It's not a _baby_!!"

"I am seriously offended that you killed my son."

"The _pink_ cat was your _son_?"

"You are a horrible person."

"WE DON'T HAVE A BABY!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU KILLED IT!"

"… It wasn't alive! You can't kill things that aren't alive!"

"It was alive in spirit…"

"No. No it wasn't."

"Yes. Yes it was."

Amu sighed. "Look, it's a doll, okay?"

Ikuto just grinned, scooping the doll off the floor. "I know. I am surprised though."

"…? What?"

"You never said we didn't even have sex. Are you implying something?"

A blush streaked across Amu's face. "HELL NO."

"I think you're wrong." Ikuto patted the doll on the head and laid it on Amu's bed. "I'll leave it there as a reminder for you."

"A reminder for what?"

"Well, you need practice taking care of our babies. We're going to have lots."

"Excuse you?"

"Don't mind if I am." Ikuto jumped away from her balcony, leaving a flabbergasted Amu to stare at the pink doll. And throw it against the wall.

**IkutoxRima- Pimples and Tic Tacs**

"HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD!" Rima shrieked. And shrieked again. And shrieked even more.

How could she explain this… this absolute _atrocity_ to anyone? A total disaster. A complete and utter failure that was seriously going to destroy Rima's life if she didn't somehow find a way to get that _thing_ off her beautiful _face_. Oh god. Oh my god. Oh my fricking-frigging-every-curse-word-ever-goes-here GOD, Mashiro Rima—the Mashrio Rima—had a _pimple_.

The scream was deafening.

Nor was it unnoticed. Ikuto happened to be in the area (not that he was stalking anyone. Okay, screw it. He was.) but his original intentions were thwarted when he heard such a scream. Alarmed, he dropped into the girls' bathroom on the 3rd floor of Seiyo Elementary to find a panicking petite blonde frantically waving her arms in a manner he could not describe with words but that seemed to be centered around something on the girl's forehead. Curious, he glided over and grabbed her arms, moving them to the side to examine whatever it was that was causing this blonde to spaz, for the lack of a better word.

Ah. A pimple.

With a smirk, he dropped her arms. She immediately whined and moved to cover her face.

"What are you doing here? Don't touch me!"

"I see you have a pimple."

"Shut up! I do not. That would mean… it would mean…" She immediately teared up, making Ikuto regret his teasing.

"It's not that bad. Here, I have something that will make it better."

The girl's eyes dried a bit. "R-Really?" She managed to sniff.

"Uh, yeah." Okay, so that was a lie. He just wished he'd never said anything at all. Anything to get away from her. "These pills will clear up anything. I use them because I am highly allergic to… the sun."

"Oh, wow. That must suck. Is that why you're so unbearable pale?"

"I am not unbearably pale!"

Rima pouted. "These pills won't cause _me_ to become unbearably pale, will they?"

"No! I'm not pale!" He dumped a few Tic Tacs into his hand and shoved them towards her. "Just take them!"

"Gosh, no need to get your panties in a wad, snowman." She took the "pills" and shoved them in her mouth. "How quick do they—," she turned around and blinked. He was already gone. "…Work?"

Outside, on the roof, Ikuto sulked. "I am not pale…"

And inside, much to her delight, Rima watched her pimple's redness fade. "These minty pills are working!"

And Rima's world returned to normal. And Ikuto forever felt insecure about the pale shade of his skin, but he eventually became a man and sucked it up. Good for him.

The end!

**Takuto- Shaving Kits and Post-its**

Okay. He really was finally beginning to get the hang of it, he swore. He was. Tadase didn't want to have a hairy five o' clock shadow for the rest of his life, so of course he'd started shaving. It wasn't his fault that shaving was just… hard.

Ikuto had not been pleased when Tadase had come out of the bathroom covered in blood, and the little pieces of paper towel stuck to his face made him horribly unattractive. So Ikuto taught Tadase how to shave.

But Tadase couldn't have Ikuto there step-by-step every time he shaved, which is what he had grown accustomed to over the years. Ikuto left him for _college_, of all things, and he was going to have to get this shaving thing down or be forever humiliated the next day of school. Or he could just grow a beard…

**Don't even think about that.**

But Ikuto wouldn't like that. Ikuto liked him clean shaven. But shaving was so haaard. Tadase sighed, hanging his head in defeat above his sink. There was no way this was going to work. And he couldn't just call Ikuto and be like "Shave with me." How completely childish would that be, regardless of how much he needed help? So Tadase realized he had no other way.

As he opened the drawer to pull out his shaving cream, he noticed a note.

**You only need about a quarter-size amount of this.**

Ah, right. Tadase smiled as he remembered the time he covered his face to look like Santa Claus. Ikuto had not been impressed.

He fumbled around for a razor, smiling when he saw another note.

**Press it against your face **_**gently**_**. You don't need to rip off your face.**

Not that Tadase had, or anything. Okay, once. And it was just a small scratch. Fine! It was a big chunk! But that had been a long time ago!

He spread the gunk on his face, grinning at his reflection, and lifted the razor to his cheek. He blinked at the post-it on his mirror.

**Go slowly. No one is rushing for you to hurry up because no one wants you to rip your face off—** God, couldn't Ikuto get over that? It was in the past! Far past! Okay, so it happened last week, but Ikuto should let that sort of thing go! **So just shave slowly. And be careful around your neck.**

Tadase sighed, eventually finishing with only a few scrapes here and there. He rinsed his face off and patted it with a towel. He was about to open the door to leave when he paused and cracked a grin at Ikuto's final note.

**And absolutely NO sideburns!**

**Kushiko- deck of cards with lame pick up lines on them and sparkling apple juice**

They paused. They blinked. The redhead grinned. He sat his glass down. He swirled the top of his finger around it, eliciting a soft hum sound. He lifted that finger and pointed at his companion across the table.

He bent his index finger and prompted Nagihiko to move closer. So he did.

"Hey babe. I made you come with one finger. Just imagine what I can do with my whole hand."

The stared at each other for a moment, then burst into laughter.

Nagihiko dropped back into his chair, raising his eyebrows as he fished the next card from the box.

"Are you free tonight? Or will it cost me?"

Kukai laughed, drumming his fingers across the table. "Oh, I'm free alright. But you'll have to wait awhile."

"Mmhmm. Your turn." Nagihiko raised a glass of sparkling apple cider to his lips with a small smile.

"Heeey there, sexy. My name is Milk. I'll do your body _good_."

Nagihiko choked, spewing a bit of apple cider from his mouth.

"Was it effective?"

"Y-Yeah."

"At least it didn't go out your nose, right?"

Nagihiko chuckled, pulling another card. "Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?"

Kukai grinned. "Want me too?"

"Not really, no."

"Ah, whatever." Kukai dug through the pile once more. "You really are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!"

Nagihiko laughed. "That's not true and you know it."

"Oh?"

"My body is yours just as much as it's mine."

Kukai smirked. "That is by far the best one I've heard, babe."

"I try."

**THESE ONES ARE M!!**

**KukaixDaichi**

It couldn't be too, _too_ bad, right? Right. Not dirty.

Well, fine. Sort of dirty, but no dirtier than masturbating. So really, it wasn't dirty at all because Kukai's father had slapped him on the back in that friendly "I'm-old-so-trust-me-on-this-sort-of-thing" manner and explained that touching one's penis was completely normal. Healthy, even.

Okay, okay! Those were all excuses! For some reason whenever... whenever _this_ type of thing happened for some reason it was easy to blame it on something—anything. Because to him it felt sort of weird—okay, that's a lie. It felt amazing. But that wasn't the point, okay? It's just... how could he explain it to you? It made him feel awkward and so, so loved at the same time. And it was sort of like masturbating, just on a bigger scale. With someone else. But at the same time not with someone else. So like sex, but not sex because there wasn't any intercourse or anything like that. But like... like oral sex.

Well, yeah. Oral sex. That's what he could call it on his end, but then it was just a hand job at the same time. God, could he ever explain this?

Look, after he came in Daichi's mouth, he'd think about it for awhile, alright?

Well, at least 'til they felt like a round two.

**TadasexSanjou **

She slammed the office door shut, dragging the younger boy forcefully behind her. She dropped him into the chair in front of her desk and glared at him menacingly.

"What are you doing here?"

Tadase cringed. "I... I just—"

"You just what? You think you can waltz right into Easter undetected?!" Sanjou Yukari glowered at the small boy, noticing how frightened he was. "Are you scared?"

"U-Um..."

"You should be. Don't you know what happens to little boys who wander into my office?"

Tadase's eyes widened. "W-wha—" But that was all the boy could say, as he was cut off by metal handcuffs popping out from the chair and strapping him down. Yukari approached him, unbuttoning her blouse as she licked her lips.

"They get eaten alive."

Her blouse dropped to the floor as she leaned over the chair where Tadase was frozen solid. With a large smirk, she ran her perfectly manicured nail down his chest and twirled it against his groin.

"Sometimes they scream. I wonder, Hotori-chan..." Sanjou unsnapped her bra, revealing her chest to the young boy. She then unzipped his pants, pulling out the small, hard member she found buried beneath the layers of fabric.

"Are you one of the screamers?" She pressed her lips against his penis, pulling away and smiling at the red lip stick smeared across the head. Sanjou glanced up at Tadase, taking in his clenched jaw and knuckles. She licked, she slurped, and it didn't take long before Tadase was groaning and bucking his hips upwards.

"Sometimes they think the buckles are to keep them from getting away. It's to keep excited little boys like you from losing it too early." Sanjou pulled away, licking her lips seductively and smirking to herself at the younger boy's animalistic growl.

She slipped off her skirt with a smirk and dropped herself onto him, causing the young blond to finally scream with pleasure.

**I am crazy. xDDD**


	7. HERE'S TO THE END

**Last Chapter! Just finishing getting stuff up here. Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Ikuto and Yoru: Bathrooms**

"Waiting wating waiiiting" Yoru rolled over from his back to his belly, pawing at the door. "Didja hear me, Ikuto? I'm waaaiting on yooou" Yoru snickered when he heard a groan.

"Go away."

"But Ikuto, you know we have to stick together. I'm your shugo chara"

"When has that ever stopped you from wandering off before?"

"But today is special. I love Ikuto so much"

"Now you sound like Utau. What the hell do you want?"

"I wanna play."

"Then go make some friends."

"I wanna play with Ikuto."

"No."

"Why not? We used to all the time!"

"I was a little kid."

"So? You aren't all grown up yet!"

"Close enough."

"Aw, c'mon Ikuto! Play with me? Pleeease?"

"Your puppy eyes won't work when I can't see you."

"Then open the door! It's not like I haven't seen you pee before!"

"Yoru…"

"Yep?"

"… Go away."

Ikuto rolled his eyes at Yoru's audible pout. "But… but…"

"But what?"

"I miss you!"

"Yoru, there is no way you miss me. You saw me less than 2 minutes ago, and now you won't leave and let me piss."

"You need to get over that. Are you that shy?"

"No. I need you to go away."

"How are you ever going to get a date if you can't pee?"

"I can piss! It's you that won't go away and—"

"Ikuto, I am part of you and you can't even use the bathroom with me ioutside/i the door?"

"…"

"And people call me a pussy…" Yoru just shook his head, smirking.

"… Shut up…"

"But it's the truth, isn't it? Little Ikuto-chan isn't potty trained? What would the Kiddie King say…?"

"I swear, if you even think about it...!"

"So you aren't potty trained?!"

"That is not what I meant and you know it."

"I just don't get it. How can you be too nervous to pee? That's just stupid."

"… Is not."

"It is too."

"And I am not a pussy."

"Took you long enough to refute that."

"You are annoying me."

"Heh. I'll leave you alone now to do your business."

He heard Ikuto's sigh of relief. With a small smirk, he slammed his fists against the door and took off.

"That wasn't even funny." Ikuto just sighed, returning to his business and shrieking a bit when he saw Yoru floating right beside his crotch.

"Heeey there, Ikuto-chan!"

"Get out!"

"Aw, why? Don't you like me?"

"Yes. When you are asleep, you can be sort of okay."

"You like me more than that!"

"No. I don't."

"You just won't admit you love me too because you are too manly! If you can't confess your feelings, you will never win a girl."

"I want to win a girl?"

"Oh, so Ikuto's gay?"

Ikuto just glared. "I am not gay."

"But you don't want to win a girl?"

"Hn."

"Are you a transvestite? Or a hermaphrodite?"

"No, I'm straight. I just have no interest in girls."

"Oooh, really? What about Amu-chan, hm?"

"… Shut up."

"See, you need to learn to confess your feelings. Repeat after me, okay?"

"I still need to piss…"

"I"

"…"

"Say it!"

"I"

"Good kitty, aren't you Ikuto?"

"…"

"Now, love!"

"… love…"

"My favorite and cutest and hottest companion in the whole worlddd"

"My shugo."

"Yes. Now all together!"

"… I love my shugo…"

"YAY! I know you do, even if you won't admit it. I am just too cute, I know"

"Want to play a game now?"

Yoru's eyes widened and he grinned. "R-Really?"

"Yes. You go hide and I'll come find you. Hide and seek?"

Yoru snickered happily. "Yes! I'll hide somewhere and you'll inever/i be able to find me!"

"Go for it. I'll count to 300 in here."

Ikuto smirked to himself as Yoru disappeared. He was finally able to relieve himself without anyone hovering over his shoulder. And thus, life was good.

**IkutoxTadase: Telling you the subject would ruin it. xD**

His chest heaved up and down; his back leapt off the bed, arching as flaming hands streaked down his sides. He was on fire. Everything was on fire. He could barely tell what was happening; it was so rough and fast and _needy_.

"G-God!" Tadase took whatever air he could get in between his smothered moans and cries.

Ikuto wasn't going to be gentle tonight, that much was obvious. Tadase had never seen that glint in the other man's eye—was it anger? rage? It was frightening, especially since there was really no hope for the small blonde.

He was trapped on the bed. His wrists were bound to the headboard with god-knows-what. Tadase struggled against them at first, but how could he even muster the strength? It took all the power he had not to scream at the top of his lungs. He writhed on the bed, trying to tear his chest away from Ikuto's.

And Ikuto hadn't even started the real stuff yet. He was taking his time, just playing his damn little game. 

Tadase moaned at the cat's touch; his thighs rubbing suggestively against Ikuto's sides even though he was trying to get away. But was he even trying anymore?

Why were they doing this anyway? When it ended up this way, Ikuto always won. Why was he even trying? It really was futile to try to win. And how did you even win against someone who could make you come screaming his name with just a smirk? Tadase bit his lip. He had to win.

Tadase's eyes clamped shut. Seeing Ikuto might make him lose it and he wasn't going to give in that easily. His teeth were clenched together in a grimace; his cheeks were red and his entire body was damp with sweat. He wasn't going to give into a damn hand job, regardless of who was giving it to him.

And as soon as Ikuto realized that, he upped the ante. Grabbing Tadase's thighs, he hauled the boy into the air and slammed himself in.

It hurt. Yeah, Tadase was used to it, but even with preparation it still was uncomfortable for a few minutes. But he wasn't going to let Ikuto know. He couldn't help his cries when Ikuto found what he was looking for. God, his seme did _not_ know what he was missing. There was nothing like being absolutely, ruthlessly hammered. Tadase found himself swept up in the feeling. It made him feel dirty. It made him feel naughty. It made him feel used. In other words, he loved it.

Tadase bit back his groan when he felt Ikuto's lips capture one of his nipples. He was a cat; he had a way with biting and licking and _god_ he knew what he was doing. Tadase threw his head back unconsciously and felt Ikuto's smirk against his skin. He knew it was there. He knew it, and it was taking everything he had not to give in right that moment.

He couldn't, though. He had to hang on. Tadase was determined to win this fight. Little did Ikuto know, he did have a secret weapon. And he wasn't oblivious to Ikuto's obvious need. And when he heard it—the beginnings of that Ikuto-is-holding-back purr—he clenched the muscles in his bottom as tightly as he could.

The effect was immediate. With a cuss, Ikuto slammed his lips against Tadase's and forced the blonde's mouth open, simultaneously spraying his load. Tadase, having won the battle, opened his eyes and came to Ikuto's pleasured expression.

A few minutes later, Ikuto removed himself with a loud, nasty slurp. Tadase couldn't help but grin and tug on his bonds. As Ikuto untied the knots, Tadase stared up at him smugly.

"Hey Ikuto."

"..."

"Guess who won?"

"Stop that."

"Guess who won, Ikuto-chan?"

Tadase smirked at the growl.  


"I won. And you know what that means from now on?"

"... Yeah."

"Good kitty!" With his hands now freed, Tadase wrapped his arms around Ikuto's neck and gave him a quick peck. "When you change the roll, the toilet paper has to face outwards!"

**IkutoxTadase: Exhibitionism**

There was something about Tadase's innocence that just sent sparks through Ikuto's entire body. He tried to repress them; he really did. But with that sweet face and that virgin ass and those huge crimson eyes how exactly was Ikuto supposed to resist? Simply put, he wasn't. There was no reason for him to resist. Tadase truly was bringing it upon himself. It was entirely the blonde's fault for being so damn naïve.

And it was so easy to do because Tadase was so pathetically_ easy_ that sometimes Ikuto wondered what on earth made him so submissive and completely gullible. He didn't spend too much time dwelling on it because he liked the fact Tadase was easy. That meant fulfilling his... urges... was simpler. It would just happen. He would see Tadase and he would feel the churning in his stomach began. He would feel the rush of adrenaline, the loud thumping of his heart. And he wouldn't resist. He couldn't resist.

And since looking at Tadase caused his problem, it was all the blonde's fault. He had no right to get so angry about it when truthfully he was bringing it on himself. Ikuto couldn't repress his animalistic needs and Tadase should simply accept it or grow a damn backbone and do something to make it stop because his typical begging and pleading did nothing but turn the cat on even more.

It was simply so easy to do. He'd see Tadase. He would grab his arm and haul him off to some place secluded. He would leer, grin, smirk. Tadase would realize what was going on, gasp, try to run away. Ikuto would hold him in place as he shoved down his own pants, forcing the younger to stare at his arousal.

"You like what you see?" Ikuto would say. He'd lick his lips and press his body against Tadase's. "How big is it? Tell me. "

Tadase would be uncomfortable and flustered. He always was. He would try to avert his eyes. He'd look down when Ikuto made him. Those wide and innocent crimson eyes would widen and he'd look away. Ikuto would watch him, smirking. He would grab Tadase's head in his hands and force the boy to stare at it until he could feel the pressure swelling in lower regions. Ikuto would gasp and his grip on Tadase would slack; the blonde would run away. As soon as he was out of sight, Ikuto would come moaning Tadase's name. He didn't even need to touch himself. Just the blonde's face was enough to bring him all the pleasure he could ever ask for.

So really, it was all Tadase's fault.


End file.
